Dreagan's World

dreagan @ 2007-12-08T19:21:00

2007-12-08T18:21:38Z

I know it has been a long time since I last wrote in my journal but I guess now is a good time as any to pick it back up.

So here goes ...

A lot has happened since the last journal entry. I am still in Germany and although I am happy to be home with my family I am missing my friends in the states :( I found a job with an Ambulance service here, It is a private Ambulance service that specializes in Intensive Care Transfers and General Transfers of patients so there is no Emergency calls at all. It is good to be back in my old job although we do not go out on emergency calls but hey I can get all the emergency calls I want volunteering for the Red Cross (they are the only ones that are allowed to do 112 (911) calls for emergency service in our county (Landkreis). So all is well on that front. My Sister is able to have kids again after having four operations due to having cancer in her uterus and we are all happy about that change :)

I have mostly given up being a Gorean because it just seems to have made me more depressed than the whole thing was worth it. It is a shame actually, I have been told I would make a great Gorean Master even though at times I failed to see how I could be. Perhaps it is true perhaps its not I guess we will never find out because I just can not see myself getting back into it all. There was just too much stress and too much responsibility laid on me that I could not handle at the time due to my own issues and worries. I want to extend my apologies to all those that I have hurt while I was still part of the Gorean community especially to Amber, Naruda, Wolfie, Craig, James, Evelynn, Drac, and especially Joe (you are always in my mind Bro).

I am sorry that I have hurt you the way I have. I know that no one deserves to be hurt the way I have hurt you and this is not to be an excuse but I just could not deal with the stress and the weight of the responsibilities placed upon me any longer and took the only way I saw out of it all without getting myself hurt anymore (or worse hurting myself any worse than I had already). If you can find it in your very big hearts to forgive my hurting you I would be very blessed to have such understanding friends.

I know you may not want to accept the apology and that is perfectly alright with me if you choose not to accept it. I have changed my life and as part of that change I figured I should apologize to everyone that I have hurt in the past or at least make the attempt to apologize.

The Governmental organization that certifies Paramedics here has accepted all of my paperwork from the states and has awarded me with the German equivalent "Lehrrettungsassistent" that means I am now a Licensed Paramedic and am allowed to teach new Medics and EMT's. I have also begun to start my so called "Flug tauglichkeits Untersuchung" which is a Medical examination for Flight Paramedics and have been cleared through the Doctor to start with my "Praktikum" which is something like a on the job training to become a Flight Medic with the Government run Medevac's which two of them are stationed within half an hours drive from where I now live.

After about 2 years I can then apply to become a HEMS Crew Member (Helicopter Emergency Services Crew Member). That is what I want to do ultimately and with a bit of luck I will be doing just that in the next two years or so.

As for me personally I am still what people call single although I have been seeing a girl my best Friend decided to introduce me to for a bout 3 months now. Her name is Jennifer and she just turned 21 in November. Shes a very straight forward girl and although we get along just fine she has no idea of what she wants to do or where she wants to go. I mean she finished her job training as a Barber but was not taken over into the Company because her boss back then had taken a new trainee and could not afford to keep her and the new trainee and she has been without a job since then which is coming up on a year now. 3 years of school studies and on the job training and she is now getting sick and tired of applying for jobs in her chosen career field because all she got until now are replies stating that she does not have enough on the job experience. Well hell she just finished not even a year ago and they want her to have 20 years of experience. But thats not only in that job that employers are wanting to have 20 year olds with 40 years of experience and it is only getting worse from what I can see even if the Arbeitsamt (Workforce Agency that pays unemployment benefits) boasts that the unemployment rates have drastically sunken which in my opinion is a whole lot of bullshit but thats unimportant.

Hopefully she will figure out what she wants to do with her life as it would make me very happy to see her finally enjoy life again. Do not get me wrong I like her very much and we have had our share of fights and arguments because of her not wanting to keep on with her search for a job which I can somewhat understand but on the other hand you can not give up because of a few ill led employers think you have to be 20 years old and have 40 years experience.

All in all my life is coming back together as it should and hopefully nothing major will happen to derail this train from its tracks.

More to come....

With love

Learning to Live again....

2006-10-11T06:02:47Z

I burned my hand, I cut my face
Heaven knows how long it's been
Since I've felt so out of place
I'm wonderin' if I'll fit in.

Debbie and Charley said they'd be here by nine
And Deb said she might bring a friend
Just my luck, they're right on time
So here I go again.

I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me.

Little cafe, table for four
But there's just conversation for three
I like the way she let me get the door
I wonder what she thinks of me.

Debbie just whispered, "You're doin' fine"
And I wish that I felt the same
She's asked me to dance, now her hand's in mine
Oh, my god, I've forgotten her name.

But I'm gonna smile my best smile
And I'm gonna laugh like it's going out of style
Look into her eyes and pray that she don't see
That learning to live again is killing me.

Now here we are beneath her porch light
And I say what a great time it's been
A kiss on the cheek, a whisper goodnight
And I say, "can I see you again".

And she just smiles her best smile
And she laughs like it's going out of style
Looks into my eyes and says, "We'll see"
Oh this learning to live again is killing me
God this learning to live again is killing me

awwwwwwww

2006-10-06T22:34:17Z

Poor rachel felt the need to delete her journal, whatever will I do for entertainment now ???

Hell Explained by a Chemistry Student

2006-09-28T06:39:18Z

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant .

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the Rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, AND thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Why Cops Hate You

2006-09-28T06:27:45Z

Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the window, and smash your face into the front fender? Have you ever had a noisy little spat with someone, and a cop cruising by calls, everything all right over there? Did you maybe sense that he really hoped everything was not all right, that he wanted one of you to answer, No, officer, this idiot's bothering me? That all he was looking for was an excuse to launch himself from the cruiser and play a drum solo on your skull with his nightstick?

Did you ever call the cops to report a crime maybe someone stole something from your car or broke into your home and the cops act as if it were your fault? That they were sorry the crook didn't rip you off for more? That instead of looking for the culprit, they'd rather give you a shot in the chops for bothering them with this bullshit in the first place? If you've picked up on this attitude from your local sworn protectors, it's not just paranoia. They actually don't like you. In fact cops don't just dislike you, they hate your guts! Incidentally, for a number of very good reasons.

First of all, civilians are so goddamn stupid. They leave things lying around, just begging thieves to steal them. They park cars in high crime areas and leave portable TVs, cameras, wallets, purses, coats, luggage, grocery bags and briefcases in plain view on the seat. Oh, sure, maybe they'll remember to close all the windows and lock the doors, but do you know how easy it is to bust a car window? How fast can it be done? A ten year old can do it in less than six seconds! And a poor cop has another Larceny from Auto on his hands. Another crime to write a report on, waste another half hour on. Another crime to make him look bad.

Meanwhile the asshole who left the family heirlooms on the backseat in the first place is raising hell about where were the cops when the car was being looted. He's planning to write irate letters to the mayor and the police commissioner complaining about what a lousy police force you have here; they can't even keep my car from getting ripped off! What were they drinking coffee somewhere? And the cops are saying to themselves. Lemme tell ya, fuck head, we were seven blocks away, taking another stupid report from another jerk off civilian about his fucking car being broken into because he left his shit on the back seat too!

These civilians can't figure out that maybe they shouldn't leave stuff lying around un-attended where anybody can just pick it up and boogie. Maybe they should put the shit in the trunk, where no one but Superman is gonna see it. Maybe they should do that before they get to wherever they're going just in case some riffraff is hanging around watching them while the car is being secured.

Another thing that drives cops wild is the "surely this doesn't apply to me" syndrome, which never fails to reveal itself at scenes of sniper or barricade incidents. There's always some asshole walking down the street (or jogging or driving) who thinks the police cars blocking off the area, the ropes marked police line: Do Not Cross, the cops crouched behind cars pointing revolvers, carbines, shotguns and bazookas at some building has nothing whatsoever to do with him so he weasels around the barricades or slithers under the restraining ropes and blithely continues on his way, right into the field of fire.

The result is that some cop risks his ass (or hers don't forget, the cops include women now) to go after the cretin and drag him, usually under protest, back to safety. All of these cops, including the one who risking his ass, devoutly hope that the sniper will get off one miraculous shot and drill the idiot right between the horns, which would have two immediate effects. The quiche-for-brains civilian would be dispatched to his just reward and every cop on the scene would instantaneously be licensed to kill the scumbag doing the sniping. Whereupon the cops would destroy the whole fucking building, sniper and all, in about 30 seconds, which is what they wanted to do in the first place, except the brass wouldn't't let them because the motherfucker had not killed anybody yet.

An allied phenomenon is the "my isn't this amusing behavior" exhibited, usually by Yuppies or other members of high society, at some emergency scenes. For example, a group of trendy types will be strolling down the street when a squad car with its lights flashing and siren on screeches up to a building. They'll watch the cops yank out their guns and run up to the door, flatten themselves against a wall, and peep into the place cautiously. Now, if you think about it, something serious could be happening here. Cops usually don't pull their revolvers to get a cup of coffee. Any five-year-old ghetto kid I mean inner-city youth can tell you these cops are ready to cap somebody. But do our society friends perceive this? Do they stay out of the cops way? Of course not! They think it's vastly amusing. And, of course, since they're not involved in the funny little game the cops are playing, they think nothing can happen to them! While the ghetto kid damn it inner-city youth is hiding behind a car for the shooting to start, Muffy, Chip and Biffy are continuing their stroll, right up to the officers, tittering among themselves about how silly the cops look, all scrunched up against the wall, trying to look in through the door without stopping bullets with their foreheads. What the cops are hoping at that point is for a homicidal holdup man to come busting out the door with a sawed off shotgun. They're hoping he has it loaded with elephant shot, and that he immediately identifies our socialites as serious threats to his personal well being. They're hoping he has just enough ammunition to blast the shit out of the gigglers, but not enough to return fire when the cops open up on him.

Of course if that actually happens, the poor cops will be in a world of trouble for not protecting the innocent bystanders. The brass wouldn't even want to hear that the shit heads probably didn't have enough sense to come in out of acid rain. Somebody ought to tell all the quiche eaters out there to stand back when they encounter someone with a gun in his hand, whether he happens to be wearing a badge or a ski mask.

Civilians also aggravate cops in a number of other ways. One of their favorite games is "Officer, can you tell me?" A cop knows he's been selected to play this game whenever someone approaches and utters those magic words. Now, it's okay if they continue with how to get to so and so street? Or where such and such a place is located? After all, cops are supposed to be familiar with the area he works. But it eats the lining of their stomachs when some jerk off asks, "Where can I catch the number fifty-four bus?" Or, "where can I find a telephone?"

Cops look forward to their last day before retirement, when they can safely give these douche bags the answer they've been choking back for 20 years: No, maggot, I can't tell you where the fifty-four bus runs! What does this look like an MTA uniform? Go ask a fucking bus driver! And, No dog breath, I don't know where you can find a phone, except wherever your fucking eyes see one! Take your head out of your ass and look for one.

And cops just love to find a guy parking next his car in a crosswalk next to a fire hydrant at a bus stop posted with a sign saying, Don't Even Think About Stopping, Standing, or Parking Here. Cars Towed Away, Forfeited to the Government, and Sold at Public Auction. and the jerk asks, Officer, may I park here a minute? What are you nuts? Of course ya can park here! As long as ya like! Leave it there all day! Ya don't see anything that says ya can't do ya? You're welcome. See ya later. The cop then drives around the corner and calls for a tow truck to remove the vehicle. Later, in traffic court, the idiot will be whining to the judge But, Your honor, I asked the officer if I could park there, and he said I could! No, I don't know which officer, but I did ask! Honest! No, wait, Judge, I can't afford five hundred dollars! This isn't fair! I'm not creating a disturbance! I've got rights! Get your hands off me! Where are you taking me? What do you mean, ten days for contempt of court? What did I do? Wait, wait,..... If you should happen to see a cop humming contentedly and smiling to himself for no apparent reason, he may have won this game.

Wildly unrealistic civilian expectations also contribute to a cop's distaste for the general citizenry. An officer can be running his ass off all day or night handling call after call and writing volumes of police reports, but everybody thinks their problem is the only thing he has to work on. The policeman may have a few worries, too. Ever think of that? The sergeant is on him because he's been late for roll call a few days; he's been battling like a badger with his wife, who's just about to leave him because he never takes her anywhere and doesn't spend enough time at home and the kids need braces and the station wagon needs a major engine overhaul and where are we gonna get the money to pay for all that and we haven't had a real vacation for years and all you do is hang around with other cops and you've been drinking too much lately and I could've married that wonderful guy I was going with when I met you and lived happily ever after and why don't you get a regular job with regular days off and no night shifts and decent pay and a chance for advancement and no one throwing bottles or taking wild potshots at you? Meanwhile, that sweet young thing he met on a call last month says her period is late. Internal Affairs is investigating him on fucking up a disorderly last week; the captain is pissed at him for tagging a councilman's car; a burglar's tearing up the businesses on his post; and he's already handled two robberies, three family fights, a stolen car, and half a dozen juvenile complaints today.

Now here he is, on another juvenile call, trying to explain to some bimbo, who's the president of her neighborhood improvement association, that the security of Western Civilization is not really threatened all that much by the kids who hang on the corner by her house. Yes, officer, I know they're not there now. They always leave when you come by. But after you're gone, they come right back, don't you see, and continue their disturbance. It's intolerable! I'm so upset, I can barely sleep at night.

By now, the cops eyes have glazed over. What we need here, officer, she continues vehemently, is greater attention to this matter by the police. You and some other other officers should hide and stake out that corner so those renegades wouldn't see you. Then you could catch them in the act! Yes, ma'am, we'd love to stake out that corner a few hours every night, since we don't have anything else to do, but I've got a better idea, he'd like to say. Here's a box of fragmentation grenades the Department obtained from the Army just for situations like this. The next time you see those little fuckers out there, just lob a couple of these into the crowd and get down!

Or he's got an artsy-crafty type who's moved into a tough, rundown neighborhood and decides it's gotta be cleaned up. Ya know, Urban Pioneers. The cops see a lot of them now. Most of them are intelligent(?), talented, hard-working, well paid folks with masochistic chromosomes interspersed among their other wise normal genes. They have nice jobs, live in nice homes, and they somehow decided that it would be a marvelous idea to move into a slum and get yoked, roped, looted, and pillaged on a regular basis. What else do you expect? Peace and harmony? It's like tossing a juicy little pig into a piranha tank.

Moving day: Here come the pioneers, dropping all their groovy gear from their Volvo station wagon, setting it on the sidewalk so everyone can get a good look at the food processor, the microwave, the stereo system, the color TV, the tape deck, etc. At the same time, the local burglars are appraising the goods unofficially and calculating how much they can get for the TV down at the corner bar, how much the stereo will bring at Joe's garage, who might want the tape deck at the barber shop, and maybe mama can use the microwave herself. When the pioneers get ripped off, the cops figure they asked for it, and they got it. You want to poke your arm through the bars of a tiger cage? Fuck you! Don't be amazed when he eats it for lunch! The cops regard it as naive for trendies to move into crime zones and conduct their lives the same way they did up on Society Hill. In fact, they can't fathom why anyone who didn't have to would move there at all, regardless of how they want to live or how prepared they might be to adapt their behavior. That's probably because the cops are intimately acquainted with all those petty but disturbing crimes and nasty little incidents that never make the newspapers but profoundly affect the quality of life in a particular area.

Something else that causes premature aging among cops is the I don't know who to call, so I'll call the police ploy. Why, the cops ask themselves, do they get so many calls for things like water leaks, sick cases, bats in houses, and the like things that have nothing whatsoever to do with law enforcement or the maintenance of public order? They figure it's because civilians are getting more and more accustomed to having the government solve problems for them, and the local P.D. is the only governmental agency that even answer the phone at 3:00 AM, let alone send anybody.

So, when the call comes over the radio to go to such-and-such address for a water leak, the assigned officer rolls his eyes, acknowledges, responds, surveys the problem, and tells the complainant, Yep, that's a water leak all right! No doubt about it. Ya probably ought to call a plumber! And it might not be a bad idea to turn off your main valve for a while. Or, Yep, your Aunt Minnie's sick all right! Ya probably ought to get 'er to a doctor tomorrow if she doesn't get any better by then. Or, Yep, that's a bat all right! Mebbe ya ought to open the windows so it can fly outside again! In the meantime our hero is wasting his time on this bullshit call, maybe someone is having a real problem out there, like getting raped, robbed or killed.

Street cops would like to work the phones just once and catch a few of these idiotic complaints: A bat in your house? No need to send an officer when I can tell ya what to do right here over the phone, pal! Close all your doors and windows right away. Pour gasoline all over your furniture. That's it. Now set it on fire and get everybody outside! Yeah, you'll get the little motherfucker for sure! That's okay, call us anytime.

Probably the most serious beef cops have with civilians relates to those situations in which the use of deadly force becomes necessary to deal with some desperado who might have just robbed a bank, iced somebody, beat up his kids, or wounded some cop, and now he's caught but won't give up. He's not going to be taken alive, he's going to take some cops with him, and you better say your prayers, you pig bastards! Naturally, if the chump's armed with any kind of weapon, the cops are going to shoot the shit out of him so bad they'll be able to open up his body later as a lead mine. If he's not armed, and the cops aren't creative enough to find a weapon for him, they'll beat him into raw meat and hope he spends the next few weeks in traction. They view it as a learning experience for the asshole. You fuck somebody up, you find out how it feels like to get fucked up. Don't like it? Don't do it again! It's called Street Justice, and civilians approve of it as much as cops do even if they don't admit it.

Remember how the audience cheered when Charles Bronson fucked up the bad guys in Death Wish? How they scream with joy every time Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry makes his day by blowing up some rotten scum ball with his .44 magnum? What they applaud is the administration of street justice. The old eye for an eye concept, one of mankind's most primal instincts. All of us have it, especially cops.

It severely offends and deeply hurts cops when they administer a dose of good old fashioned street justice only to have some bleeding heart do-gooder happen upon the scene at the last minute, when the hair bag is at last getting his just desserts, and start hollering about police brutality. Cops regard this as very serious business indeed. Brutality can get them fired. Get fired from one police department and it's tough to get a job as a cop anywhere else ever again. Brutality exposes the cop to civil liability as well. Also, his superior officers, the police department as an agency, and maybe even the local government itself. You've seen those segments on 60 minutes, right? Some cops screw up, gets sued along with everybody else in the department who had anything to do with him, and the city or county ends up paying the plaintiff umpty-ump million dollars, raising taxes and hocking it's fire engines in the process. What do you think happens to the cop who fucked up in the first place? Stick a fork in him because He's done for.

On many occasions when the cops are accused of excessive force, the apparent brutality is a misconception by some observer who isn't acquainted with the realities of police work. For example, do you know how hard it is to handcuff someone who really doesn't want to be handcuffed? Without hurting them? It's almost impossible for one cop to accomplish by himself unless he beats the hell out of a prisoner first which would also be viewed a brutality! It frequently takes three or four cops to handcuff one son of a bitch who's determined to battle them. In situations like that, it's not unusual for the cops to hear someone in the crowd of onlookers comment on how they're ganging up on the poor bastard and beating him unnecessarily. This makes them feel like telling the complainer, Hey, motherfucker, you think you can handcuff this shit head by yourself without killing him first? C'mere! You're deputized! Now go ahead and do it!

The problem is that, in addition to being unfamiliar with how difficult it is in the real world to physically control someone without beating his ass, last minute observers usually don't have the opportunity to see for themselves, like they do in the movies and on TV, what a fucking monster the suspect might be. If they did, they'd probably holler at the cops to beat his ass some more. They might actually want to help!

The best thing for civilians to do if they think they see the cops rough up somebody too much is to keep their mouths shut at the scene, and to make inquiries of the police brass later on. There might be ample justification for the degree of force used that just was apparent at the time of arrest. If not, the brass will be very interested in the complaint. If one of their cops went over the deep end, they'll want to know about it. Most of this comes down to common sense, a characteristic the cops feel most civilians lack. One of the elements of common sense is thinking before opening one's yap or taking other action. Just a brief moment of thought will often prevent the utterance of something stupid or the commission of some idiotic act that will, among other things, generate nothing but contempt from the average street cop. THINK and it might mean getting a warning instead of a traffic ticket. Or getting sent on your way rather than be arrested. Or continuing on to your original destination instead of to the hospital. It might mean getting real assistance instead of the run-around. The very least it'll get you is a measure of respect cops seldom show civilians. Act like you've got a little sense, and even if the cops don't love you, they at least won't hate you.

Top 5

2006-09-22T14:10:14Z

Was asked to pick my five favorite dresses although I liked them all for one reason or another these are the five that stuck out the most.

First - Dress #66

Second - Dress #11

Third - Dress #41

Fourth - Dress #23

Fifth - Dress #71

Pain

2006-09-19T22:56:21Z

Tiny scratches
feel like
deep wells of pain
that call my attention.
Nobody can know
yet
I secretly wonder
if they can see
beneath these jeans.
Even when the scratches are gone
from my legs
I'll still feel them
on my heart.
Not that I mind,
I put them there for a reason.

Blood
slice by slice
a tiny bit of imperfection
is removed and replaced
with more pure flesh;
new flesh that has not
been marred by years of
unresolved anger
hatred
and sadness
the blood runs
pure and red
and cleanses
the imperfect in
me

Crazy Loony
get out of here
we don't want you around
ever
little scratches on your thigh
too scared
to bleed
to death
but you still press
the razor to your skin
and cut little slices
make your mom cry
make your family hate you
be normal

Yet even more about me! YAY!

2006-09-14T13:01:26Z

Personal Astrology Profile for Christopher
Birth Date and Time..... November 19, 1980 4:45 AM
Birth Location.............. Tacoma, Washington

Planetary Positions, Aspects, and Orbs

Your birth chart interpretation is based on the positions of the planets at the time of your birth. For the benefit of students of astrology, these positions, along with other technical information, are listed below:

Sun       27 Sco 21              Pluto 23 Lib 03
Moon      18 Ari 40              N. Node 14 Leo 24
Mercury    7 Sco 53              Asc.   27 Lib 44
Venus     24 Lib 26              MC      5 Leo 09
Mars      28 Sag 05              2nd cusp 25 Sco 13
Jupiter    4 Lib 14              3rd cusp 28 Sag 20
Saturn     6 Lib 45              5th cusp 8 Pis 54
Uranus    25 Sco 57              6th cusp 6 Ari 14
Neptune   21 Sag 29

Tropical Placidus Standard time observed

Aspects and orbs:
Conjunction : 7 Deg 00 Min     Trine         : 5 Deg 00 Min
Opposition   : 5 Deg 00 Min     Sextile       : 4 Deg 00 Min
Square       : 5 Deg 00 Min     Quincunx      : 3 Deg 00 Min
Conjunct Asc : 3 Deg 00 Min Above, 5 Deg 00 Min Below

Section 1: How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

The following is a description of your basic stance towards life, the way others see you, the way you come across, the face you show to the world. In Chapter 3 you will read about the "The Inner You: Your Real Motivation", which describes the kind of person you are at heart and where your true priorities lie. Read this chapter and the next one and compare them - there may be significant differences between them, in which case "the inner you" may not shine through and others are in for some surprises when they get to know you at a more than superficial level. This chapter describes the costume you wear, your role in life, while Chapter 3 talks about the real person inside the costume.

Libra Rising:

You are a natural diplomat, reasonable, tolerant, fair, always willing to listen to varying viewpoints, and ready to see the other side of an issue. Even if you strongly disagree with someone, you will try to find points of similarity and agreement rather than emphasizing the differences. You often avoid taking an extreme or one-sided stance on anything. You have a strong desire for harmonious and pleasant relationships, and express a spirit of cooperation, compromise, friendship, and fairness. You very much want to be liked and because of your need for approval and acceptance, you are easily influenced by others' opinions, especially when young. You so much want to please that often you will suppress your own intense or unpleasant feelings in order not to offend others. Sometimes your politeness is interpreted as being phony or wishy-washy.

Your need to create harmony extends to your physical environment and personal appearance as well. You appreciate beauty and have a natural sense of balance, symmetry, and proportion. You do everything in good taste, with a sense of style and art. From your home furnishings to your choice of clothing, everything must be aesthetically appealing, not simply functional or utilitarian.

You also feel that relationships are an art, one that especially interests you and one that you are usually quite skilled at, for you possess tact and acute awareness of other people. Marriage is very significant to you and finding the right person to share your life with is extremely important. Being part of a close couple seems natural to you - you are not an independent loner. Having a partner increases your self-confidence. You do have a tendency, however, to become overly dependent on your partner and perhaps not to develop a clearly defined identity outside of the relationship. Finding the balance between being yourself and blending and uniting with another is a challenge for you.

Others see you as an agreeable, smooth, harmonious, and "nice" person. Though there may be much more to you, this is the sort of face you show to the world. You possess personal charm and an understated, noncombative manner. Your motto could be "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" for you usually take a friendly, cooperative approach rather than a strong, forceful, I'm-going-to-conquer-the-world attitude.

Mars Sextile Asc.:

You are assertive and bold. You are willing to be the first person to speak up and make your position known, and to strike out on your own if necessary. You generally get along better with men than with women because your approach is quite direct and sometimes tactless and insensitive as well. You can be a bit too forceful. However, your boldness is your calling card, and most people feel that you can at least be trusted to be honest with them.

Section 2: The Inner You: Your Real Motivation

Ascendant in Libra and Sun in Scorpio:

While you appear pleasant, even, and harmonious (as described in the previous chapter), inside are deeply emotional and quite passionate. Despite appearances, you are intense and sometimes one-sided and extreme. Your smooth, agreeable manner masks a much more strong-willed character.

Sun in Scorpio:

    Quiet, deep, emotionally complex and intensely private, you are not a person who is easy to get to know and understand. You are extremely sensitive but disinclined to show it, and you allow only a special few into your inner world. Like a wary animal, you are cautious and mistrustful of those you do not know until you "sniff them out". You are very, very instinctive and intuitive. You usually have a strong, immediate gut reaction to people, even though you may be unable to clearly articulate why you feel as you do. Your feelings and perceptions go deeper than words.

    You also have a powerful need for deep emotional involvement and you form very intense love bonds and attachments. You are possessive and often jealous of anyone or anything that you perceive as a threat to your bond with someone you love. When you commit yourself to someone or something, you are wholeheartedly devoted and expect complete loyalty in return. You merge with or "marry" the person you love at a very deep level and therefore separations are extremely painful for you, and often stormy and nasty. When you have been wounded, you are not inclined to turn the other cheek and will retaliate if at all possible. Certainly you will never forget the injury and often you harbor grievances and resentments for a long, long time. Forgiveness doesn't come easily to you.

    Whatever you do, you do with passion and fervor, and you often go to extremes. You are either hot or cold, never lukewarm about anything. You can also be very narrow: either you are 100% involved in something or else it doesn't exist for you at all. Rarely are you emotionally detached and objective. You definitely have a fanatical streak. You are also immensely strong-willed and your tenacity in pursuing your objectives often borders on being obsessive. Fierce pride, courage, and emotional strength are yours in abundance.

    You love mysteries and are deeply attracted to the hidden, dark, secret side of life. You never take things at face value and are always probing beneath the surface of people and situations to discover what is REALLY going on. You tend to be more of a cynic than an idealist.

Sun in 2nd house:

Ownership gives you a sense of security, and you have a strong attachment to your possessions. You also have a natural instinct or understanding of economics, finance, trade, and appraising the value of merchandise.

Sun Conjunct Uranus:

Innovative, original, unorthodox, and unconventional, you identify with the role of rebel, reformer, or iconoclast. You insist upon a great deal of personal freedom and do not easily adapt yourself to others' needs and wishes. You need a lifestyle that allows you to be spontaneous. Often you feel that you are somehow different from other people and outside the mainstream of society.

Sun Conjunct Venus/Mars

Both sensitive and sensuous, you blend charm and energy. You have a healthy sexuality and a good balance between activity and passivity. You may be fond of singing, dancing, music and drama. Romance comes easily to you, and your romantic relationships are passionate.

Sun Conjunct Mars/Asc.

You are a bit impulsive and excitable and want things done quickly. You tend to be very impatient with anyone who is slower or less energetic than yourself. You will fight for what you want but should guard against mishaps or accidents.

Section 3: Your Elemental Nature

     Your fundamental needs, values, and orientation towards life are symbolized by the four astrological elements. Each person has their own unique balance of these four basic energies: fire (warmth, inspiration, enthusiasm), earth (practicality, realism, material interests), air (social and intellectual qualities), and water (emotional needs and feelings).

    Your "elemental make-up" is described below. Remember that most people are "unbalanced" or lopsided, and if you are lacking or deficient in a certain element (or elements), it simply means that you need to consciously develop that aspect of yourself to learn to appreciate and/or to work harder in that dimension of life.

    Sometimes we overvalue the element that we are least endowed with, sensing it as a lack within ourselves, but more often we neglect or ignore it. The qualities described below will be reiterated and explained in more detail in the following chapters.

Fire, Air, and Water are Strong. Earth is Weak (F,E,A,W = 15,0,17,17):

    You are enthusiastic and sensitive. Others enjoy your company because you are communicative, empathetic, and enthusiastic. Others do not feel bored around you, and you enjoy a large circle of friends and associates. Your family members and spouse in particular, however, may sometimes complain that you are not dependable or that you change your mind too often.

    One of your primary challenges involves developing a stable sense of security, solidness, and a steady rhythm in your life. Cultivating self-discipline, patience and endurance, and learning to accept realistic limitations will enable you to be more productive and to actualize some of the ideas and creative impulses you have. You are not always interested in practical applications, the actual work involved in realizing a desire or compromises for the sake of practicalities.

    You are apt to feel out of place in the world at times, restless, discontent, unable to find your niche, dissatisfied with mundane reality. Positively this may spark your exploration of the creative, imaginative, or spiritual side of life. However, you tend to resist growing up and learning how to effectively deal with adult responsibility. You also tend to be either bound up with the past or projecting into the future, ignoring the present moment - what actually is. To become more present and grounded, you may find the following helpful: getting massages on a regular basis, doing gentle regular, rhythmic exercise like walking or yoga, and eating substantial, heavy foods.

Section 4: Mental Interests and Abilities

Mercury in Scorpio:

You have good mental concentration and the ability to become completely immersed in your work. You seem to know things at an instinctive, nonverbal level and prefer learning through direct experience or apprenticeship rather than vicariously via books or lectures. You have mechanical ability and work well with your hands. You could become adept at sculpture, pottery, carpentry, stained glass, or anything that involves doing and making things manually. Biology (and related fields such as medicine) interests you as well. You also have an instinctive rapport with animals, and may feel you relate better to them than to people! You tend to become narrowly focused upon your own specialized interests and may not have much to say or communicate outside that field.

Mercury in 1st house:

You are quite verbal and communicative and eager to get your own ideas and opinions across to others. You say what is on your mind. Others see you as a lively, intelligent person, and perhaps something of a chatterbox at times.

Section 5: Emotions: Moods, Feelings, Romance

Moon in Aries:

Emotional outbursts are frequent with you due to your fiery temper and emotional impulsiveness. You express yourself very directly and honestly and no one has to guess what your true feelings are. However, you dislike showing any personal weaknesses or needs for support, comfort, and nurturing. You are often impatient with yourself and with others. You abhor emotional dependency and dislike "complainers".

You inspire others to take positive action in their lives by your own enthusiasm and eagerness to meet life's challenges, and are attracted to people who are adventurous, courageous, and independent. You are rather bossy, but you do not like to be with people that you can boss around too much. You enjoy a good fight sometimes. Relationships built upon mutual respect and a good deal of emotional freedom are ideal for you.

You become very cross if you do not have enough vigorous physical activity. You will feel your best if you "do battle" on the tennis or racquetball court (or engage in some other competitive sport) frequently.

Moon in 6th house:

You have a sympathetic nature and instinctively reach out to people in need of help. You also have a deeply ingrained tendency to want to improve or "fix" other people's lives, which can be annoying to the person who has no desire to be changed or "helped" in this way. For you, affection and caring must be expressed in tangible acts or service of some kind.

Moon Trine Neptune:

The beauty and harmony of your surroundings has a very powerful effect on your emotions. You are very sensitive and cannot stand to be in an atmosphere where there is discord or dissonance. Gentle, kindhearted, and peace-loving, you will give or sacrifice much in order to avoid a fight and to "make everyone happy".

Moon Opposition Pluto:

Your intimate relationships and close personal relationships are often intense, highly-charged, and difficult, as they trigger deep emotional responses in you that have more to do with unsatisfied hungers and unmet childhood needs than with the present situation. You may feel like a voracious, bottomless pit when it comes to nurturing and emotional reassurance, and your neediness often drives others away. When you do let yourself feel close to another human being, painful long-buried feelings bubble to the surface as well perhaps grief at the losses you suffered, or anger at the neglect or hurt you endured. You may also reenact these situations in your present day relationships, in an unconscious effort to resolve and heal those old issues. You will do a lot of clearing and cleansing, if you can listen to what your feelings are telling you. If not, you will simply have a tumultuous, passionate, and stormy emotional life.

Moon Opposition Saturn/Asc.

You are easily influenced by your environment and tend to get depressed when things don't go the way you expected. Relationships are not easy for you; you could be a recluse, avoiding most contact with others.

Moon Opposition Neptune/N. Node

You seem to have the wrong conception of the world around you and may suffer disappointments frequently. It is difficult for you to adapt yourself and to acquire a community spirit, and you can't achieve the inner understanding with others that you long for.

Venus in Libra:

You possess the gifts of tact, courtesy, consideration, and a strong desire to please and understand your love partner. Because you value harmony so much, you will compromise a great deal to avoid any discord or conflict. You do not like to dwell on controversial or emotionally difficult subjects, and often try to "smooth things over" or "sweep them under the rug".

In love, you want an intellectual peer, an equal, and a friend. You are attracted to people who have a certain finesse, delicacy, and subtlety. You appreciate good manners and refinement and are not happy with a coarse, blunt type of person.

Venus in 12th house:

You often hide your affection, or find your feelings difficult to express or get across to the person you love. Being openly affectionate and trusting often doesn't seem safe to you. You may feel your love won't be appreciated or reciprocated. You may get involved in secret love affairs or fall in love with a person who is quite unavailable to you. Love and sacrifice often seem to go hand in hand for you - having to give something up to be with the one you love, or having to relinquish some person or some aspect of an important love relationship.

Venus Sextile Mars:

You have a great rapport with the opposite sex, and love, romance, and passion are absolutely vital to your well-being. It is rare for you to go very long without an intimate companion. The physical component of a relationship is very important to you. Artistic creations and projects are another way for you to channel your passion.

Venus Sextile Neptune:

You have a rich, colorful, dreamy imagination and a refined sense of beauty. Involvement in the arts, or with artistic, sensitive, or spiritually inclined people is very satisfying to you. In your friendships and romantic relationships, you tend to be unselfish, giving, and forgiving. You might enjoy joining with others for charitable events or social service.

Venus Conjunct Pluto:

You have deep, compelling love feelings that seem irresistible and often irrational. Your love relationships are very passionate and intense, and you experience both agony and ecstasy in love. You are always changed in a deep, fundamental way by your love experiences, though this may come about through painful and difficult confrontations or separations. You are something of an emotional fanatic about things you care about.

Venus Conjunct Pluto/Asc.

You don't hold back with your charms and show everyone what you have to offer. Your personality is quite dazzling and enables you to attract many people. Your need for affection is strong and you probably will have very intense love relationships.

Section 6: Drive and Ambition: How You Achieve Your Goals

Mars in Sagittarius:

    You are aspiring, enterprising, and forever following some bright and distant star, planning some new venture or investigating new potentials. You are definitely "upwardly mobile" in either a material or spiritual sense (or both). You aim high and are not content simply with a quiet, secure existence. You like to stretch your limits, to see how far you can go, and to take risks. You are a positive thinker, expect success for yourself, and are philosophical about failures. You are flexible and bounce back from disappointment rather quickly, usually with another hopeful new idea you want to try. Your enthusiasm and confidence are contagious and enable you to enlist the aid and support you need for your projects. However, you sometimes promise more than you can actually achieve, because you are overly optimistic or pay insufficient attention to the practicalities involved.

    You also tend to get distracted and to have too many things going at once. Although it is very difficult for you, there are times when you simply must develop commitment, perseverance, and persistence in order to make your dreams and goals a concrete reality. Too often you fall short of what you could attain because you are unwilling to persist through the difficult or less exciting times.

    You also enjoy competition and usually do not take it too seriously. Sports and entrepreneurial endeavors are good ways to channel your energy.

Mars in 2nd house:

You often buy things on impulse and you can be reckless with your material resources and money. You have certain possessions that you are extremely attached to and possessive of.

Mars Conjunct Neptune:

You have a very active and fertile imagination and your ambitions are never strictly mundane, practical, and concrete. You have a strong desire to act out your fantasies, dreams, visions, and ideals. Artistic creation, drama, or other areas in which you can express yourself imaginatively are excellent for you. Ordinary life seems drab and uninteresting to you, and you need to have some big dream or something larger than your own narrow personal interests to live for. Sometimes you may be confused about exactly how and where to direct your energy and often drift along rather than making clear decisions about what you want. You have a passive side and at times lack the will power, physical energy, strength, and the fighting spirit to achieve your aims.

Mercury Square MC:

To achieve your long-range goals and ambitions, the process must be interesting and mentally stimulating, as you get bored with work that isn't challenging intellectually. You need variety and social stimulation as well. One problem you may have is saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, or to the wrong person. You need to watch your words. Your tongue or even your sense of humor can get you in trouble with superiors at times.

Jupiter Sextile MC:

The road to success, professional advancement, and fulfillment of your long-range goals is apt to be easier and smoother for you than for many. Partly this is due to getting a great deal of support -- financial, emotional, or both. Probably someone early in your life really believed in you and had high expectations for you. You contribute to your own success by having large goals, and by including, helping and enlisting the aid of friends and others in reaching those goals. A lack of selfishness or pettiness is a great boon to you. Whatever you do is apt to be expansive and eventually quite prosperous.

Saturn Sextile MC:

You achieve your professional goals and long-range ambitions through self-discipline, concentration, and climbing the mountain one step at a time. Unlike the lucky few for whom all doors seem to magically open, you have to formulate a realistic plan and follow it diligently in order to succeed. You'll have to pay your dues and endure a few setbacks. Patience is your ally.

Your father or grandfather probably influenced your choice of career, and will back you up -- as long as you choose to follow in his footsteps.

Section 7: Growth and Expansion: Areas That You Enjoy

Jupiter in Libra:

Your strengths lie in your ability to cooperate, to be diplomatic, and to know just what behavior is called for in whatever social situation you find yourself. You also possess a strong sense of fairness, the willingness to listen to opposing viewpoints and opinions, and the ability to be (or at least seem to be) impartial and moderate, rather than extreme and one-sided.

Jupiter in 11th house:

You have good fortune working with groups, organizations, and others who share your ideals. You go further if you unite your efforts with others, as in clubs, networks, or civic associations. Social improvement, or benefiting your community is very important to you.

Jupiter Conjunct Uranus/N. Node

You love to participate in social functions and parties and are likely to seek advantages through other people. You may meet some important people who could open new doors for you, and may share some of your happiest experiences in life with others.

Section 8: Areas That Challenge You Or Are Difficult For You

Saturn in Libra:

You take your personal relationships so seriously that they may seem more like work, constant effort, and compromise, rather than a free and enjoyable sharing. You may feel that relationships in general require more of you than they are worth, and you enter into any close relationship cautiously and conscientiously. You also fear entrapment in close relationships.

Saturn in 12th house:

You may have nebulous but ever-present guilts and fears that are difficult to pinpoint or eradicate. It's as if you don't trust Life itself, and are always seeking ways to defend yourself from its dangers and its unknowns. You must learn to overcome your ingrained habit of discouragement and anxiety, and to see the world more as a friendly place than as a treacherous one.

Jupiter Conjunct Saturn:

Your aspirations and dreams are always tempered by realism and practical considerations. You pursue your aims in a systematic, disciplined, and thorough manner, and you are willing to take your time, advancing slowly and steadily on your way to your goal.

Sometimes you underestimate what is possible, and hold yourself back unnecessarily due to a lack of faith or an overly cautious attitude.

Saturn Conjunct Sun/N. Node

Because of your inner reserve and basic shyness, you appear to lack adaptability and are a bit inhibited in dealing with other people. Your approach is somewhat serious and it is difficult for you to face the public.

Now we will discuss patterns of behavior which you instinctively and habitually revert to when under stress - a mostly unconscious process and one which you are apt to overdo because it is so familiar and thus easy for you. The direction you need to follow in order to develop balance, greater awareness, and wholeness is also described.

N. Node in Leo:

Your path lies in developing yourself as an individual, discovering your own strengths and joys, giving expression to your uniqueness, and letting yourself shine and stand out from the crowd. This involve becoming a leader, even though your instinct is actually to be "one of the Indians" rather than the "chief". When under stress you are apt to seek safety in numbers, to go along with the group. Also, you may believe that striving to do your personal best and to excel is wrong or selfish, but you should let go of this notion. Finding your own center and doing what gives you delight and energy is the most worthwhile contribution you can offer the world at large.

N. Node in 10th house:

The arena you are most likely to wrestle with these issues is in your public life and career. All of these issues will impact your reputation and standing in your community or professional circle, as well as how you achieve your important life goals and aspirations.

Section 9: Originality and Imagination Areas Where You Are Creative, Unique, Unstable, or Compulsive

Uranus in 2nd house:

You have a reckless, impulsive, or very unconventional attitude toward money, material things, and ownership. Above all, you do not want to be possessed by your possessions. The obligations of owning things are likely to feel oppressive to you.

Also, you may make your money in a field that is unconventional, highly unstable, or very inventive and innovative. Your fortunes are likely to fluctuate widely throughout your life.

Neptune in 2nd house:

You may have a great deal of confusion over money, financial matters, and ownership. Perhaps these things mean very little to you. Or possibly you simply don't know how to deal with them in a realistic, effective way.

Also, you may make your living through artistic, musical, or highly imaginative endeavors.

Pluto in 12th house:

You have a deep interest in secrets, the underworld or unconscious, and anything hidden and mysterious. Psychoanalysis, investigating your dreams, and other methods of uncovering secrets are very interesting to you. You may be exceptionally perceptive intuitively or psychically. Your emotions and subconscious energies are complex, and periodic transformations and personal crises are sprinkled liberally throughout your lifetime.

Uranus Conjunct Venus/Mars

Your relationships are filled with passion and you are likely to have many affairs. You have a tendency to fall in love at first sight, but also to get bored quickly. You are very independent and have a constant need for excitement in your life.

Uranus Conjunct Mars/Pluto

You probably will have to work hard on learning to control your temper. Although you have great endurance, your objectives could become fanatical and obsessive. You must try to express your energy positively, otherwise you may become cruel, brutal and sadistic.

Uranus Conjunct Neptune/Asc.

You tend to submit to other people's wishes too easily and put their needs before your own. At times you may suddenly realize their underhanded motives and find out that they were only trying to deter you from the pursuit of your objectives.

Pluto Conjunct Mercury/Saturn

You tend to occupy yourself with unusual or special problems and have the persistence and tenacity to follow through. But you are likely to brood over your destiny and may have had a difficult time developing your personality.

Section 10: Generational Influences: Your Age Group

    In this chapter we will discuss characteristics and traits of your generation. Of course, you may not share all of the characteristics of your generation, but you are greatly affected by the tone that is set by your generation.

    The first topic is "The Subconscious and Emotional Drive of Your Age Group". In this section we will describe a deeply felt urge, even compulsion, of your age group. This deeply felt drive comes to the surface with great force and power, and consequently leaves in its wake considerable upheaval and change. The second topic is "The Ideals and Illusions of Your Age Group", that describes the dreams, fantasies, and spiritual aspirations of your age group. The third and last topic is "What is New and Different in Your Age Group", which describes areas in which your age group tends to be innovative, inventive, unusual, and also where it may be unstable and unreliable.

    The characteristics described below may affect a group of people for anywhere from a few years to about 30 years. There are one or more different astrological factors described in each of the three sections below.

The Subconscious and Emotional Drive of Your Age Group

Pluto in Libra:

You are part of a 12 year group of people who are deeply interested in personal relationships. Your age group has a deeply-rooted yearning to see people relating and communicating with each other effectively and harmoniously. There is little egotism and a willingness to hear the other person's side of the story and a readiness to compromise and arbitrate different points of view. In fact, the need for harmonious, peaceful relationships is so strong that there is a tendency to overlook real differences and to focus only on the similarities in an attempt to bring different parties into harmony with each other.

Interest in psychology and sociology is high in your age group. There is a tremendous heightening of awareness of social skills. Your age group will experiment with different marriage styles, family relationships, and even business relationships in an attempt to bring fair treatment and effective communication between people. Interest and appreciation for other cultures is also strong, and your age group will work hard to preserve and support the cultural heritage of all ethnic groups.

Your strong yearning for equitable and harmonious relationships is also reflected in major advancements in trade agreements, arms control, and international cooperation that are designed and implemented by your generation. These agreements and policies foster a much safer and more cooperative environment for all, although there is also a tendency for greedy individuals to take advantage of the conciliatory atmosphere and twist situations to their own ends.

In short, you are part of a generation of individuals who are deeply interested in other people; you are a humanistic and humanitarian group. You will struggle and experiment with personal relationships, and forge new models for how people can relate as friends, family members, and members of nations as well.

The Ideals and Illusions of Your Age Group

Neptune in Sagittarius:

You are part of a 14 year group of people that are extremely idealistic and farsighted in their dreams. Your age group is very liberal and expansive in outlook, and consequently churches become much more flexible and more eclectic in their approach during your life time. Religions that do not adapt to the broad-minded attitude of your age group simply are unable to attract very much interest and involvement from you.

A great deal of metaphysical musing and speculation is evident in your age group, and there is a very strong interest in all manner of psychic phenomena, UFO's, prophecy, etc. This interest will open many new doors and insights, but will also often lead to a great deal of fantasizing and speculation that is taken more seriously than it should be.

Neptune Sextile Pluto:

The entire generation to which you belong has tremendous opportunities for spiritual rebirth and awakening. This will not be forced upon you or precipitated by unavoidable events, rather it comes from an inner yearning and a natural propensity to seek the depths.

What is New and Different in Your Age Group

Uranus in Scorpio:

You are part of a 7 year group of people who break up all manner of taboos regarding death, sex, and any other personal, private, or difficult topics. Your age group is less modest about sex than other age groups and promiscuity is not uncommon. You love emotional intensity, and there are many extremists and fanatics in your age group.

a few other things

2006-09-12T18:42:15Z

she would not have ignored it nor deleted it because she is trying to learn more about where she is going wrong. apparently from the dialect left regarding her post, there's a lot to be learned, indeed.

Right if you were ACTIVELY trying to learn more about where you are going wrong or were going wrong then why is it that whenever i tried to explain to you what the issues were you said yes Master but didn't actually act on it because apparently you missed all of the points I made.

Master Kolus is FC and the last time she knew He was not accepting slaves, because of an agreement made with His FC (wife)

Or is that perhaps you dont want to beg his collor because you will loose the friendship you have with him because he will see your true colours?

This in her opinion is totally untrue. she had no problems with Huntress, keiko nor Gwen, she wasn't sure about something all she asked sis is if Gwen lived in the States.

In your opinion it may be untrue but your behaviour and in assignments you have said as much.

This is not true, she asked all the time how you were doing and also asked sis how you were doing when You weren't around to ask.

Yeah but did you really care about the answers you got .. other then oh no your unhappy whats wrong ? and on the rare occurrence that i did share what was wrong i was belittled ... yeah you can see why i dont share anymore.

Yep she admits to it 100% and wishes to find a Master who isn't a pushover, because apparently this is one nasty trait in her that needs to be dealt with.

So now I'm a pushover? Not that it really matters that by uncollaring you I have made a point of NOT being a pushover anymore. Gee Whiz

she is both however, has yet to find the Master to bring it out of her.

You are NEITHER, what you are is ... Flesh ... Period ... nothing more than a control freak slut that thinks she is submissive and a slave ... neither by definition apply to you.

she does see other peoples points of view, she actually quite empathetic if you look back at when you uncollared nayy was she there, did she understand your point of view? what about when you uncollared the other one? was she there through the hard time with Huntress?

You see others point of views ??? really ?? then elaborate how I feel about Inn Steel ... without quoting me from logs because I seriously doubt you can. If you did ... you would have an open mind and actually discussed others points of views other than pointing out your p.o.v and accepting that I have mine but actually DISCUSS IT! What a fucking concept eh ?

agreed, noted, will be very mindful of this next time around, whenever that will be.

I'm glad you realize at least that and can at the very least see where you went wrong on that subject.

Rules of the Inn are not tailored specifically to the Master, however there was never rules set. perhaps you should ask E's boy for his rules?

So you need rules? Hardly think you would have followed them anyway and there really wasn't any reason for me to give either of you rules. You both are adults and you both know your limitations as far as sleep and when you should be going to bed, when you should eat and use the toilet. But towards the end I felt the only two rules you needed was Not to address me as my Master because actually you don't own me its the other way around and the whole 3rd person speech thing. You had actually only followed ONE of those completely the "my Master" one because you failed the 3rd person speech.

so the punishment for her behavior is being uncollared, okay, she'll stop whining about it and try to contain the drama.

Quit frankly YES, because no matter what happens you will do as you want when you want - History with other Masters proves this i.e. Ashens collar ... you did the same exact thing ... the same behaviour etc ... im sure you did the same with your most current EX Master before me which is why at this point I'll assume he lost interest in you.

she was satisfied in His collar until about 3 weeks ago when he went silent to her. we hadn't talked unless it was to talk about her behavior and then those conversations weren't even that long. she lost her place because she was lost to what was necessary. she lost her Master because of her own stupidity and now it's time to face the fact it's over.

she won't be nearby for a while, she has to get her emotional turmoil under control and then perhaps she'll be around. she doesn't expect Him to talk to her anymore, its obvious He has nothing to say. The moment He uncollared her He removed Himself from her Skype.

Good for you. I'm so glad you realize that. You won't be talking to me because no I don't have anything to say because all you will do is try to manipulate me anyway and since you don't want someone that is a "Pushover" I'm making the concious choice of not being one. After all you cant pushover what you don't have or cant talk to

she is worthless because she can't keep a Master's steel because she can't seem to get it straight about what exactly she should be doing. she has always been a submissive and the Masters she had up to (not including Him) Him were not very good because they were never around and were wrapped up into other things to worry about their personal responsiblity.

Again by definition you are not a submissive nor a slave. And to briefly touch the other point did you ever think they weren't around so they didn't have to deal with your behaviour because it was easier to ignore you rather than try to knock some sense into your skull ?

Hrmm lets see it's a journal and it's all about her. When she speaks with Master, well when they were actually speaking she was always asking how He was, however He was never really talkative to her for the past few weeks. The reasons she was acting as she was because she knew that if she didn't do something she was going to lose her Master. We didn't talk about all for the past few weeks save to talk about her behavior.

No matter what you were going to loose YOUR Master because you NEVER actually OWNED him ... FUCKED up concept isn't it ? so the reason you were acting the way you were may be validated in you head but its complete and utter bollocks if you really analyze it. We didn't talk because I was trying to find a way to deal with your attitude because it has actually been there all along not just for the past few weeks.

About her knowing what she wants, she does, it's in her assignment on the website, amazingly it says in there that she needs a Master that isn't a pushover that can not be easily manipulated too. Wow, does she know herself or what?

No you THINK you know what you want. I am not a pushover and I think I have demonstrated that quite well then your behaviour got even worse after I had put a stop to it or attempted to do so ... one more reason why you got released .. you don't want a pushover, I am not one I have proven that I am not in my own opinion not that you saw that because you still call me one even after I have taken the ultimate .... MY COLLAR from you never to be returned around your neck.

Thank You Huntress for taking the time to sit down and shed a lot of light on things. She realizes that her behavior is the main reason she was uncollared. She wishes that there was something else that could be done to rectify the situation but she realizes she has brought this whole thing on herself and has nobody to blame but herself.

What more do you need other than behaviour ... which you never attempted to modify! You did bring this whole thing on yourself and you are right you are the only one to blame, yet by the lame excuses of I had no rules set etc ... you show that you blame everyone but yourself perhaps you should actually re-read Synistrel's post until you know it by memory.

interesting conversation between me and my ex

2006-08-27T00:45:54Z

23:46:57 Jinn in the Loch: so what have you been up to today

23:47:06 Dreagan: sleeping

23:47:39 Dreagan: someone or something has been knocking me out on purpose

23:47:46 Dreagan: dont know who or why or what for that matter

23:47:57 Dreagan: just been tired ... no energy for nothing much at all

23:48:17 Dreagan: prolly slept more today than I have since I have been here

23:48:26 Jinn in the Loch: hmm sounds like a bug ... flu or something

23:48:32 Dreagan: not at all

23:48:47 Dreagan: I feel fine physically

23:48:51 Dreagan: save for that

23:49:12 Dreagan: and im going to sleep against not really wanting to or needing it

23:49:16 Jinn in the Loch: hmm just need the sleep i guess

23:49:34 Dreagan: shrugs

23:49:43 Dreagan: dunno why I would

23:50:04 Jinn in the Loch: unless it is some side product of staying up for days

23:50:16 Dreagan: havent been sleeping like that for the last 6 monhts

23:50:43 Dreagan: then again havent slept much in the last six months usually about 4 to 5 hours a day

23:51:04 Jinn in the Loch: see .. i think it might just be your body and mind trying to recoop and repair after all that

23:51:16 Dreagan: shrugs

23:51:42 Dreagan: I shall have to beat it if I remember to do so

23:51:52 Jinn in the Loch: ??

23:51:55 Dreagan: the body

23:52:14 Dreagan: it shouldnt get a mind of its own

23:52:26 Jinn in the Loch: lol

23:52:31 Jinn in the Loch: well too bad

23:52:37 Jinn in the Loch: they work in tandem you know

23:52:43 Dreagan: oh ?

23:54:40 Dreagan: think it might have to do with the fact that I been doing a lot of poking in other peoples minds looking in places I shouldnt to take shit off of their minds so they can properly sleep ... my sister Sammys for instance ... then ambers since Joe has passed on shes not been the same, rachel and issues shes going through, and Jeanmarie's what a mess she is after all of what mike did to her

23:54:46 Dreagan: just a whole bunch of people

23:54:56 Dreagan: and a whole bunch of fixing going on

23:55:09 Jinn in the Loch: you should not spread yourself too thin eh ?

23:55:18 Dreagan: its a fault of mine

23:56:08 Jinn in the Loch: nods

23:56:16 Jinn in the Loch: well i understand that

23:57:20 Dreagan: I care a lot about them and cant see them in the states they are ... and do what is necessary to help them well as much as I can I suppose

23:57:39 Dreagan: granted its not a lot but hopefully it does some good

23:58:07 Jinn in the Loch: yeha well .. i still think over doing it will drag a lot more out of you that replace anything

23:59:56 Dreagan: I know ... but I cant just let them go on like the way they are

00:00:14 Jinn in the Loch: yeah but you can not change them either

00:00:24 Jinn in the Loch: just as you could not change me .... or i you

00:00:35 Jinn in the Loch: john says hello by the way

00:00:40 Dreagan: hello back

00:01:35 Dreagan: I know that too but its helping them, letting them sleep more often without nightmares ... channeling negative energy to somewhere else ... now I just have to get rid of it

00:00:55 Jinn in the Loch: i am dropping off joeys dads car which i borrowed while mine was in the shop

00:02:08 Dreagan: lots of that going on lately I think that might be draining me emotionally and physically

00:02:24 Jinn in the Loch: yeah well that is not a strong point for you ... you tend to internalize it and make a wreck of yourself

00:02:47 Dreagan: heh ... ain't that the truth ... I take it and keep it

00:03:37 Dreagan: its what I know to do

00:03:25 Jinn in the Loch: worse .... you let it eat you

00:04:24 Jinn in the Loch: yeah but having a skill or talent does not mean you get the manual for it , or know all the ranges and ins and outs you need to .. takes yrs to hone and so on

00:05:33 Dreagan: nods but I cant just watch them like that

00:05:41 Jinn in the Loch: shrug .. i am just saying that you should not use things like htat without all the proper knowledge

00:06:20 Jinn in the Loch: nope .. i know ... but you are going to destroy yourself eventually if you do not learn all the necessary channels to rid yourself of the negative stuff

00:06:43 Dreagan: rahter it be me than them actually ...

00:06:59 Dreagan: yeah I know its a shitty point of view

00:07:22 Jinn in the Loch: you keep telling yourself that until you inadvertantly harm someone other than yourself .... then you will realize some of what i am saying

00:08:20 Dreagan: shrugs

A little about me myself and I...

2006-07-25T23:59:24Z

Here comes another long one for the avid readers of my journal when I do actually get around to posting in it.

A lot has happened the last few weeks, met some new friends and talked to some old friends. Fell in love head over heel with a Panther that I am seriously considering mating and moving to Las Vegas for. I won't mention her name here because she knows who she is and well all involved parties know who she is as well. Her two slaves have taken a liking to me especially her girl did, her boy however has some issues with other males but I think he is actually working them out as we go along. The energy this Panther and I share is enormous I have taken strolls through her mind even sections of it where she said usually no one gets to enter, I have seen things about her that she won't usually tell anyone until she is comfortable with it herself. I have seen these things it seems before she was actually comfortable. Lots of dark energy which I want to help her remove and I think so far I'm doing an O.K. job at helping her trust men again. She has taken my nightmares from me! We went to bed together one day and decided to take a leap into each others energy fields and prowl a bit and although I know what she did to me now she has my dark energy to deal with unless she has already gotten rid of it somewhere and sometime in the last week. I was amazed she even managed to remove it ... It has been there for almost 8 years now well 7 and a half years anyway, I'll start with explaining what happened before I returned to the States I suppose that will give you all a better idea about who I am and what I am.

Was born on November 19th 1980 which was a Wednesday at 0445 thats 4:45AM in the Madigan Army Medical Center, Fort Lewis, Washington. At the age of 10 months my Mum moved back to Germany with my Sister and I due to Military orders of my Dad. About 2 years later they got divorced due to him not being completely faithful to his vows and having an affair while in the field for 6 weeks. His affair turned up pregnant and he was going to spend two weeks with us and two weeks with his affair (Barbara) who did give birth to Reneé my half-sister. In the meanwhile he had been shipped back stateside to Washington and returned to his family and then later married my step mom (Cheryl) who he is still with now thank god, that woman keeps him in line for the most part and keeps him happy, however they both really do need to watch their health! wont go into that too much. (moving right along)

Growing up in Germany was well nice, small town of 10,000 with four major schools in three different sections of town. I went to the elementary school about 5 minutes from our front door step and then downtown to High School which is about a 20 minute walk or a 10 minute car ride. Butzbach is a fairly quiet town except on the 4th of July at which point the Soldiers and families of the US Army that are stationed in our area celebrate our Independence Day with fireworks and other festivities, the other major events that cause noise are the German-Amerikanisches Volksfest (German American Citizenship Festival) it's like an overgrown county fair lots of rides music beer and other entertainment. Any way you get the picture nice rural neighborhood etc ...

Moving on, in 1993 my Mum met this bloke ... Mike (my Dads name as well) and as you may have guessed he was military at the time. They started dating and all that and got along really well and we kids did like him quite well. So here comes the Bosnia conflict and he gets deployed boy was my sister furious about loosing her "Daddy Cool" she started calling him that really soon much to my dislike because I was the man in the Family until he showed up which created a bit of contempt for the man from the get go. How dare he enter my domain and think about taking my responsibilities away! Anyway my Mum got pregnant with my older one of the youngest set of princesses Alexandria Nova (Nova), Gave birth on December 30th 1994.

Mike exits the Military via a European Out option letting him remain in Germany since he since then has married my Mum for which us kids couldn't go along with created a bit more dislike for the bloke in me. And he started working for the Army and Air Force Exchange Service (AAFES) as a warehouse worker. He began drinking more and more and became more and more physically as well as mentally abusive towards my Mum and the girls, for some reason he never really could get under my skin until that one fretful night I will get to in a bit. For the next year or so there are a number of events where his head connected with a metal baseball bat because of him beating on my Mum while she was holding Nova and I didn't quite agree with that ... or was it the other way around ... did the bat actually connect with his head ??? I'm actually a bit confused on the issues but it matters not much since he really didn't learn anything from that lesson as it will only a few weeks later that the next incident happens and it gets put behind us all as well. I did laugh my ass off one time ... he had attempted to glue something with crazy glue and glued his fingers together ... boy what a laugh that was (Yes I know I'm evil! so please read on) Got his ass some nail polish remover and let him sit there for a good half hour with it until the glue lost it's strength and he was free yet again to my dislike, because as I saw it he should have been 6 feet under but oh well my chance will come soon enough to put him there so read on. Another one in the making Tabatha Mae (Taby or Tabsy) and she was born shortly after I had left the country. But now as to how it was arranged for me to move back to the states. One night I forgot the day its been a while and well who wants to remember details like that I got home from volunteering my time at the Military Police Station up on base translating German speeding tickets to service members, and our neighbors opened the door and told me that my step dad had been beating my mom for the past 3 hours or so and the only thing I could to to not just walk in there and let god know what happen is to call the police, since no one else had thought of that concept not that it would have done them any use in case they did have the required amount of functioning brain cells to actually make the decision to call the police they would not have done a thing about it as the German Police (Polizei) has a thing about not getting themselves involved in Domestic Disputes unless they absolutely know someone is already holding on to the last straw and breaths of life let alone bar fights with knives involved. WOW lets think on this, Police officers too scared to beat someones head in because hes beating on his wife for no apparent reason ? who would have thought it. Police officers that have guns, bullet and stab proof vests as well as German Shepherd and Rottweiler Police dogs to scared to attempt to put a Domestic dispute out cold in its tracks or even send the dog in and let him sort the bar fight out ? what a world of shit we are in if something really big actually happened and we needed the police to assist in its prevention or apprehension of it. But enough on our German counterparts of law enforcement because as we know an American Cop would be the first one in and the last one out probably still in one piece in any of those above mentioned situations we just don't take this crap from our civilians in the states, trust me I should know I wore a badge! Scary thought isn't it who in their right mind would give me a gun and badge??? Lots of people would! but more to that later.... anyway fight night.... I called the German Police and got their standard response ... sorry mate we don't get involved in domestic disputes they are both adults they need to work it out. So I tried the Military Police knowing damn well they couldn't touch his ass on German Government property but it was worth a shot right? Spoke to the oncoming Sgt Cunningham (smiles at the recollection of his face) he was a trip said that I knew damn well they couldn't respond out there but he would see if he couldn't get someone to come check it out in a bit when things had died down on their own front. Fair enough I said just don't wait too long because I'm going in and when you do come over to check do make sure you bring at least one body bag because he will need one. Hung up and entered MY DOMAIN time to take control back and let him know who is really boss in this household and it sure the fuck was not his sorry excuse for a male I say male because hes not a man never has been never will be although he tries now which is a welcome sight at least hes making an attempt at proving to me that something good did come from me letting him live after all. Anywho went in and walked in on him putting my Mums head through the wall, but not just the wall, the plaque on the wall that we (My siblings and I) had specially crafted with pictures of us all (save Taby) in it superimposed on an American Bald Eagle. Anniversary present for the first year. The fucker cost it too... English fucking oak and all. anyway attempting to put her head through that only cracked the plaque in halves and made me utter my first words since entering my house which were "You let her go or else" which had two immediate effects, he let turned around smiled and said or else what and let my Mum drop to the floor and started for me. He found out really soon what the other option was. He ended up purple on the couch me kneeling on top of him both of my hands firmly wrapped around his throat, squeezing as hard as I could and have in the entirety of my life. At that time and don't ask me how the fuck they got into my domain I was interrupted by the German Police with their not at all pleased looking German Shepherd dog telling me that IF I the one that actually did something before they figured they had had enough coffee and cream puffs and get off of their fat asses to see what the drama was all about, do not let the asshole go and let him live the dog would deal with me first and then him, so in return I turned my head glared at them and let his sorry ass go waiting for them to do what they were supposed to have done hours ago. My Mum goes to the hospital and thank god nothing happened to Taby because if something had I would have most definitely finished him off at my next opportunity anyway ... that was the beginning of the end of my stay in Germany. My grandmother was terrified that the German no good Police was going to charge me with attempted murder on the asshole which they had no intention on doing but was unbeknownst to her and so she went and made travel arrangements for me to El Paso (HELL) Texas USA for me to live with my aunt and uncle. Got there and no one but my aunt actually knew I was coming, so when my uncle came back from driving his truck for JB Hunt six weeks into my stay in their house and she was at work and me being the only one home you can imagine the questions and standoff I had to deal with at that time "Who the fuck are you?" and "What the fuck are you doing in my house" were amongst the questions until he had calmed down enough to actually be talked to and I explained it all to him. He asked what my plans were and once he knew them he was ok with me staying there.

Ok taking a fag break because this is again draining me emotionally to no end so be back in a few.

Ok back now and here we go anew yes I know smoking is bad for my health so do not even think about starting on me I have cut down enormously since I started.

Where was I ... ah yes ... week six in Hell, Texas during my stay in Hell you will notice a pattern I believe somewhat of the same pattern that was at home but with a twist ... this time it is the female that is wrong for my uncle really busted his ass for weeks at a time to make sure the bills were able to get paid and that my cousin and me did not ever need or want a thing within reason of course. My aunt however decided to take his hard earned money and invest it in a scheme to make quick money called "Bingo" what a great name for such a boring game that drains your coffers and leaves you with the bills to boot! Her addiction to this get rich quick money making scheme which brought her nothing but trouble and no money to show for it got increasingly worse until early January 1997 when she had spent nearly 3 thousand dollars of course in installments in this business opportunity to make quick money which again she never saw over the Christmas holidays leaving the Electric and Phone bills 3 months in arrears as well as rent since we had to move out of the house that we were living in and start living in a too small apartment where we were always sitting on each other but enough of that ... My uncle came home removed her from the bank account and added me added me as responsible person with all the bill collectors and utilities as well as all other accounts he had held at the time that needed paying on such as car insurance, electric, water, rent, etc ... needless to say my aunt was not thrilled about this change when she attempted to draw out money and the machine swallowed her ATM/Debit card and told her to get stuffed. When she did come home that night He was waiting for her to tell her of his actions which then immediately turned her anger at me and at the time I felt like shit as it was because obviously I had been the cause of all their problems or so I was informed by her numerous times prior ... now I had done the ultimate turned her husband against her for the last time she was going to kick me out and let the street life tend to my needs which had one immediate effect I got up to pack my stuff and was told to sit my ass down by my uncle reluctantly I did so although knowing better now I should have gotten up and cared a shit less what anyone said to me at the time. She (my aunt) attempted to reach for me and me feeling genuinely threatened kicked her in her shin at which point she called 911 to report domestic abuse and that I was trying to kill her. Not 2 minutes later I kid you not we had 4 cruisers an Ambulance and a Fire engine out in front of the door coming for me and her of course in case I had actually managed to harm or worse kill her. The officers at the time this happened were rather personal friends of mine as I worked with them as a member of a Police Explorer group learning about my dream job (being a cop what a surprise). Took me into custody because she was going to press charges and we went to BK to go eat and talk about it all ... so Rick and Ferny said I needed to get out of the situation I am in if I ever do want to become a cop because domestic violence is highly frowned upon by any one handing out government jobs be it local, state or federal. I did just that ... after being released from jail 8 hours later after talking to the judge he decided that my plans of going into the Navy to become a Cryptology Technician were better for me than to sit on probation on a yet first offence in my juvenile criminal history. That was the only criminal offence until I was actually enlisted ... I enlisted on the November 11th 1997 and shipped out to NRC Great Lakes on November 16th 1997 three days before my 17th birthday of course with parents permission truly yours my guardian Uncle Bob :o)

Lets take a minute to talk about my Military career however brief it was. After boot camp the girl I had had a major crush on in high school in the states ... yes the family decided my German High School diploma was no good here in the states little did they know that the United States Navy though otherwise and decided to talk to UT of El Paso and have my transcripts translated and accredited ... they would have taken me not as a freshman but sophomore in College at the time much to my surprise and theirs ... I declined the offer of not joining the service and going to Military academy instead. Perhaps I should have but then again ... If I had I would not have been where I have been and would be a different person all together. After boot camp ... I received my first sign on bonus installment of 3 thousand dollars and 2 weeks paid leave to go home and spend time with my family before reporting to my first duty station. I went to Zales and bought a 1700 dollar wedding band for my ex wife (yes you read right shes an ex and ill get to that in due time) and an about 200 dollar ring for me both in a set so a total of 1900 with taxes and insurance came out to 2100 roughly ... the rest of the money was invested on a marriage license that was purchased two days after the night out at the movies, the dinner at the most expensive Italian restaurant I could find in Jacksonville and the question "Baby Will you marry me" was answered with a yes were completed boy ... might I add that I was scared shit less she would say no but she did not she said yes and demolished every bit of respect and interest I actually had in the female populous of earth for a very long time, I still cant trust females entirely but I'm being worked on by four very special people which I will mention briefly later. She decided to accept my proposal and we got wed on February 18th of 1998 and then divorced on August 18th of 1998 hmmm wonder if there is some sort of connection with the 18 ... 18 years old, 18th for the wedding day and 18th for the divorce finalization day strange but ok ... did not really think about that at the time. Moving along ... Before the divorce happened she was living with her Mum because there was no way in hell she was going to live on a military installation like a prim and proper military spouse should have done but ok I said fine its only six hours away you can come drive up on the weekends and ill come home when I can as much is possible. None of that ever happened because one day I got a phone call from Mike one of a very few people I will call a best friend informing me that my wife (from hereon in referred to as the BITCH) was three weeks pregnant by a work colleague of her mother's. Nice to know but do you have proof of this I asked him and prof I got in the form of two emails written by the BITCH to him in trust that he would not tell me a thing of her spawn in the making with Travis. She was going to tell me when I call her to let her know how much money I would be sending home from my paycheck which I really never had a need to do because it was always the same amount after I had attained the rank of Petty Officer 2nd Class of course with the extras of being married to boot. So all that save for 150 dollars would go home every month ... we did get paid on the two week pay system but I'm going monthly here because its better and saves place rather than saying 75 dollars every two weeks. Have not really saved the place because I felt a need to explain it ... sighs ... She was my first Gorean real time slave girl and the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, All the right connections were there, Energy Spirit, Human, Chemistry and just wild far out crazy sex drives to boot which never hurts. I called her she asked how much she should be expecting and I said how about not a god damned penny or did you forget to mention to me that you are three weeks pregnant on purpose this time. At which point she got quit irate and spat out a few choice words at Mike who was nowhere in that conversation even mentioned but as you can figure out he was the only one but her that knew ... wow how karma comes back to kick you in the ass ... Cheers Mikey for letting me know ... I do love you more for it even though the BITCH now hates your every fiber. Oh well what can I say ya win some and ya lose some. I went out and drank myself half to death only to be berated by a BITCH of Nurse which I later had nothing but the utmost respect for as she as it turned out was Randy's (my Partner) wife.

I should really postpone writing this as the people that I love and care for should be nearly all home by now ... but I have turned off all My messengers and mIRC to focus on this and I'm quite positive if I do not finish now I will never do so because usually something or someone always finds away to distract me from doing just what I should be doing and actually do what feels right at time which usually involves great deep and heartfelt conversation or just plain out the wildest and most pleasurable sex that one can only imagine, which as I said is never a bad thing.

So moving on we will be, after the brief interruption of the next nail being hammered into the coffin.

Back again for more pain, I tell you I am such a sadist.

Anyway where was I oh yes the divorce an the complete destruction of my trust for the female populous on earth. The divorce was a dirty one with lots of mind games played that I do not think I deserved god how did I love her so and then turned all of that love into hatred but could not bring myself to remove that wedding band placed by her onto my finger for the next three years of failed attempts of the females in my life and family to help rebuild that trust. One slave came real close to it actually until I found out that she had a major issue with me being a public servant but more to that later. I became a Deputy Sheriff and had a great deal of fun being Mr Uber Dick to the general public especially the ones that had no common sense which includes most if not all civilian life on earth. I really did try to see the good in all people it was just hard to do so because most of them can't seem to put their brain into gear before engaging their yaps. Anyways My FTO and Partner after Field Training my ass and I became the best friends we could have ever been until the day that he was fatally shot to death in warrant situation him and I got seconded to to cover the back door of a barricaded residence of a known drug dealer who then proceeded to blow my partners head nine ways out out hell (earth) and right into the after world which had the immediate effect of me quiting my job of being a sworn public defender of all humanity and move to Maryland to become a Firefighter/Paramedic see a pattern here as well??? Can and will never stop working for the greater good of Man- and Women-kind. Met Gwen the one that rebuilt all my trust in women to then later tell me she could not deal with my chosen career field and that she thought it was best we only remain friends which miraculously we have actually managed to do to this point ...we shall see how much longer that will actually last although I would not mind if it were to the end of our days. She did some major surgery on my heart although if you look carefully ... or not so carefully really doesn't matter you can see the tears, rips and shreds no matter how you look at it nor do I think will it ever heal back to one piece although someone else seems to be trying nowadays here goes hoping they don't eventually have issues with my line of work or me as to not ruin it yet again although this time around ... I might actually give up my job if asked to do so again by the ones that I dearly love to death. you both know who you are my precious Panther and slave girl. I love you both very very dearly and would do anything for the both of you including dying if you asked it of me.

The reason Gwen could and would not deal with my chosen career is because I have been shot at twice and stabbed by an HIV, Hep C and otherwise infected needle in the line of duty and yet still remained doing what I loved and cared for more so perhaps than my love for her and the kids. But at the time she also had to deal with her ex husband fighting her for custody of her youngest son Rhys which he has to my disbelief won the battle and Rhys must no live in Denmark and can visit his Mum once a year for one month ... That hurt a hell of a lot to go through because not only did it hurt her ... but it also effectively demolished the trust she had in men (me especially) to not do things like that to her. So a number of factors effectively destroyed our relationship. I then waited a good year before getting involved with yet another kajira and moved to England only to find out that said kajira is still madly in love with her ex Master and the father of her only child. We had more rows that I had ever had in my entire life in a span of three months and now I am here ... in Germany with my family ... missing my real family and friends as well as home in the states so much it hurts to think about it.

Anyway thats the story of my life for the consumption of the general audience. The select few people that I trust although I probably shouldn't looking at my track record know the deeper facets of this story or are able to ask questions and receive the answers to the questions asked without a though about it. There is only a hand full of people that have the right and privilege to ask questions and again I know you know who you are but if someone happens to have doubts here is a list of those people by their IRC handles

Wyndsong, {aethne}D, {keiko}D, {sesat}W, {junrojin}W as well as Gwen ... Those are the only people that can EXPECT an answer to questions however others may or may not get the answers depending on the situation and my level of trust for them at the time. Those six people named above I trust with my life and they will always get the answers to the questions they ask of course unconditionally and as honest or blunt as they seek the answers.

I think I'm going to end this now before I go on all night and go spend some time with you my loved ones.

My Love and hugs to you all and I will see you on-line shortly.

Oh and before anyone gets the funny idea of berating me about my grammar spelling or command of the English language don't even bother with it I have an Associates degree in Computer Information Systems I know English as well as I can possibly know anything I simple choose or don't choose to apply that knowledge.

To be continued .... maybe!

sighs and hits post

dreagan @ 2006-07-22T02:51:00

2006-07-22T00:51:04Z

Favourite Authors: Tom Clancy (Netforce Series although all his others I have read all the ones he has out), Nora Roberts, Patricia Cornwell (Especially the Dr Kay Scarpetta Series), Anne Rice, Dean Koontz, John Norman, Anne McCaffrey, Stephen King (Latest one was from a buick 8) most excellent read and last but not least Jeffrey Deaver

Favourite Foods: Thai, Chinese, Mexican, Italian, German, American, English, Irish, Greek, and Mediterranean - Mostly not keen on seafood except for once in a blue moon. Also dont try to make me eat sushi .. forget it unless you like to wear it.

Hobbies: Smoke Eating, Rock Climbing, Horseback Riding, Rappeling, Sport shooting, cycling, hiking, camping, swimming, snorkeling, diving (SCBA) and normal, boating, white water rafting, Archery, as well as Computers and did I forget to mention making love at all different times and places in and out of public as well as cooking.

Favourite things to do in winter time: Cuddle up in front of the fireplace or in bed and keep warm thoughts as well as play plenty

Favourite things to do in summer: See hobbies

Favourite Scripting Languages: C, C++, Java, Java Script, HTML, DHTML, PHP4, and 5, Perl, and ASP

Favourite Music: Rock and Love Songs as well as some country

Favourite Pets: Dogs (German Sheps, Rottweilers or Huskies) However I wouldnt like taking the Husky out of its natural habitat, Cats are ok although I happen to much more a dog person.

Favourite Drinks: Hot Coacoa, Coke, Cherry Coke, Lemon Pepsi, Wild Cherry Pepsi, Mt Dew, Water and Milk

Freaky facts about me: My eyes Change colour.
Grey when sick
Blue when normal
Green when highly pissed or in extreme bliss while lovemaking

Medical History: Broken Nose (Softball Accident)

One not so known thing is also that I write stories ... but i usually wont share them however ... if you ask really nicely i might share a few of them with you all depends on how nicely you ask.

Deep Thoughts about life and love in general

2006-07-21T16:58:43Z

Had some very interesting telephone conversations with some ex's of mine There was Gwen and Helen.

Gwen the one that couldn't deal with the fact that i might not come home after my shift
God I love that woman to pieces (yes LOVE not loved) she still holds a great part of my heart hostage for herself and her opinions and views concerning matters that we discuss mean the world to me. Is that wrong ??? WHO gives a flying fuck!
Does she guide me the wrong way ? No she does love me it is just unfortunate that it is not the same level of love that I love her with and we are best of friends because of it. She is actually the only one that I can still be friends with after breaking up with her. Love ya babe

Helen well there is another story entirely she fills my head and empties my heart constantly. I hate the fact that she is un collared but wont honor such so she will more than likely be akilled after I post this entry. I hate her fucking guts for trying to Dom me all the fucking time and it is really getting on my nerves that she thinks we are still in a relationship and that everything can be worked out if given the chance with all the bad blood that lies between us. I know she loves Jon more than she admits she does but apparently that doesn't matter "she loves me more" well so she says anyway. Well she has a son and all that is all well but if you move to a foreign country you cant say he will be instructed only in English ... thats kind of stuck up in my mind you move to Germany learn the fucking language. I'm not going to move to the UK and not learn the language! so here comes the eye for an eye thing.
There is a lot of animosity for her with me because of the way things went sour. She was pregnant and couldn't bring herself to tell me she only did so after I had already found out myself. Then when she was bleeding way too much for her own good again she couldn't open her trap which by the way she never has a problem opening when it suits her needs. When she made the decision of her or the baby it was natural i know ... but at least I would have liked to know about it all. anyway enough of her more important people in my life that I have been hurting that need to be addressed. I hate your fucking guts bitch!

Rachel . . . mmmmmmm I love you baby and I'm sorry for last night just was made to feel really small and shitty and I really felt like I could do nothing right. Then what happened with Wyndsong added a bit to my frustrations of not doing anything right and it intensified. I hope you can forgive me and still love me as much as you do.

Wyndsong ... mmmmmm x 2 next time you feel like I ignored you get your head out of your ass and open your trap and say so ... I didn't ignore you baby I was asleep my sister wanted to show Peter my mums boyfriend something on the net after dinner and I got comfy on the couch and crashed ... so when they were done they figured they'd let me sleep instead of waking me and then I woke up when I did you were already pissed at me. I would have explained but you didn't give me a chance and for me the important thing was to comfort you first before making lame excuses as to why i seemingly ignored or avoided you. Did I try to Dom you yes baby I did ... but I didn't say you couldn't come talk to me about it later if you had said that it was something important instead of telling me what you did I would have said ok baby call me but you have to call the rest of your family later. I really didn't mean to ignore you I love you too much to ignore you.

Am ... well you know how I feel about our relationship and its quirks we have in it ... I will always be there for you on that brother sister level but I can't offer you more EVER. I do love you though :=)

anything I left out ?? sue me! I got out what I needed to get out! don't like it don't read it that simple

Recap of the last few days

2006-07-10T05:17:40Z

Well hello again,

It's me again, yeah I know you all hate it when I go on these long rants. Visited a Gorean inn a day or two ago and I ordered this girl to bring me blackwine 1st slave. So she gets up and starts a one line post and I stop her to talk to her about her usual serves she claims that she normally doesn't serve like that but that today she doesn't have the time to serve properly ... WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!?!? If you don't have time to serve properly ... DON'T do it at all ... say you are otherwise engaged and beg for forgiveness but don't act like I have to like it and be nonchalant about the matter. On a brighter side ... The girls are coming along quite good with a few minor set backs ... keiko was told to go to bed at 2100 and at first started to argue with me that she could go to bed at 2130 and when that didn't work ... she proceeded to ignore the time I gave her and stay up till i noticed at 2118 that it was past the time I had given her then when I called her on it she tried to backpedal out of it knowing damn well that that doesn't work with me ... for crying out loud I would think she has known me long enough to know how I am and that shit like that won't work with me. Some of you may think what a dick! well yeah so I'm strict but I am also one of the fairest Masters a slave can call hers. keiko has to be up at 4am so she can get ready for work and go and shes forever tired, so I try my best to make her go to bed at a decent time so she wont be tired so much but I guess I would be better off talking to a fucking wall at least I would get proper responses and not silly fucking attempts at arguments.

aethne was half asleep when this happened and well she went to bed the same time and she doesn't have to work until 1600 so I didn't expect her to go to bed until she got tired ... but no ... she decided that if her sister is going to bed she may as well. Anyway I am done ranting about that for now ... I have to figure out a proper punishment for keiko now ... really don't want to have to but if I don't enforce rules with punishment they wont be kept.

Teaching another girl I know how to make a website for her Owners Inn and that is going better then I had first expected. She is learning quite well and its going to not be the headache I originally thought it would be.

Spoke to Cynthia today on a conference call with keiko aethne and Wolve, it was a really shitty conversation ... Wolve cracked a lot of off color jokes and well that made Cynthia feel not welcome in the conversation so she kept quiet for most of it ... when Wolve made a racial slur it was as good as dead ... I wanted to say something but decided to stay quiet.. Cynthia has a son that is mixed and well I nor she took that comment well. Then again that's just Wolve he doesn't give a fuck what he says and that's what on one hand makes him special on the other hand makes him come across like a fucking asshole. He is a decent enough bloke and I do respect him for what he does for his family and friends here but comments like that should be left for when he knows for 100% certain that no one would be offended by them. *shrugs*

O.K. moving along going to be re-designing the CityofThentis.Com site as well as designing the first edition of the GlobalBondage.Net site and setting up the new network. Going to work today at 0900 so all depends on how long I am gone on what gets done with the short term goals ... going to have to also write a list of rules etc and restrictions for the girls and a bot to stick into CoT.

For now thats enough I think ... keiko I do love you and I have calmed down a bit ... but you know me I don't stand for this crap ... I know you are having a hard time but if you want your fires back you have to act and behave that way not blatantly disregard what I say ... I have nor will I ever let harm come to you so I don't know what you were thinking when you ignored me telling you to go to bed at 2100. I do hope you have a good day at work and I will talk to you when I get home if you are home already IF not ... then when you get home.

aethne I hope you have good day as well and love you too I hope you will have slept well and are well rested by the time you read this.

Love you girls and miss you

Dreagan

All things considered

2006-07-03T11:21:43Z

Here I am writing into my journal for the first time in 13 weeks.

So I shall make this a long post considering the occasion.

Lots of things have happened since I last posted ... such as me moving to the UK to be with ayanna, who happens to still be in love with her ex ... or at least that is the way it seems. Well she can have him and I will be happy else where. Moved to Germany to visit my family there, but somehow decided that I would really enjoy going back to school. Made some phone calls to the German Red Cross the primary EMS organization here and found out that they would pay for me to go to university if I signed an agreement to work with them for the next four years and they would pay my tuition so I said what the hell why not.

I have two wonderful girls that care for and love me dearly and well my main concern is on them right now and making sure they are o.k. I collared aethne on the 30th of June and keiko on the 1st of July .. the logs of the collars will be posted a bit later in this entry. They are wonderful girls with great big hearts and brains, unfortunately the have been through a lot and keiko lost the the love of her life recently but Joe knows I will take care or her or he would have never named me her primary Protector. I know they will be the biggest pains in the asses I have ever owned but I can manage quite nicely because I love them.

Jeff my friend that is in Australia right now is looking into moving to Germany and spend some time here if not stay here for good so I have been in contact with him and I hope that everything works out in that respect.

Also my on-line family is really starting to all pull at one string again so hopefully from now on ... no more boulders in our ways and hopefully we will be the happiest damn family around.

So whats left to say ... oh yeah ... girls I love you with all my heart and hope that you are and will always be by my side ... really not in the mood to have my heart broken by either of you because that would not only break my heart but kill me as a person because I have known you both for so long and built a great relationship with you.

Now without further ado ... here come the logs of the collaring's and the service we held for Cloud^Dancing my eternal Blood Brother in order of actual appearance.

Blood I really hope me collaring Am is o.k. with you ... I miss you!

[03:38:02] [Dreagan] ok then i think we are all here now

[03:38:26] • Dreagan walks to the tool rack and removes the collar saw from the rack and walks up behind {aziza}S

[03:39:02] • Dreagan pushes her head forward and cuts the lock off of the collar

[03:39:13] • {aziza}S holds her locks out of the way

[03:39:18] • keiko covers her ears from the sound

[03:39:25] • Dreagan then removes the collar and tosses it into the fire so it can melt

[03:39:35] »» nick change {aziza}S (wakai.dore@90F7A439.8BC01166.96645374.IP) changes nick to "aziza"

[03:39:43] • Dreagan then resettles in his chair

[03:39:57] • Dreagan grabs the wooden box he set aside earlier

[03:40:07] • Dreagan opens it and pulls the turian collar out of it

[03:40:11] • aziza fingers her collarless neck and peeks up at the Master who removed it with a soft glance

[03:40:24] • keiko smiles at her sis happily as she watches

[03:40:38] • kailen watches

[03:40:57] • AndrasTolaria watches from His post

[03:41:15] • dahara smiles watching resting her head against His chest comforted by His heart beat

[03:41:30] • Levi_Eliphas strokes her neck possesively

[03:41:50] [Dreagan] this is what you want girl ?

[03:41:52] • aziza gazes over the collar softly, the sheen in the fire light a very warm smile washes over her freckled features

[03:42:02] <aziza> yes Master

[03:42:10] [Dreagan] very well then assume the posture of female submission

[03:42:44] • aziza slips swiftly into the position, crossing wrists and offering them up to Him for binding, lowering her head slightly between them

[03:43:03] [Dreagan] Repeat after me "I, once aziza of Earth"

[03:43:13] <aziza> I, one aziza of Earth

[03:43:20] [Dreagan] herewith submit myself, completely and totally, in all things

[03:43:32] <aziza> herewith submit myself, completely and totally, in all things

[03:43:41] [Dreagan] to him who is known as Dreagan of Thentis

[03:43:57] <aziza> to Him who is known as Master Dreagan of Thentis

[03:43:59] [Dreagan] his girl, his slave, an article of his property, his to do with as he pleases

[03:44:17] <aziza> His girl, His slave, an article of His property, His to do with as He pleases

[03:44:44] • Dreagan then takes the collar and reads the inscription ... Dreagan's

[03:45:03] [Dreagan] and hold its out for her

[03:45:47] • aziza kisses the collar softly

[03:46:11] • aziza scoots forward and places her neck into the collar

[03:46:18] • Dreagan snaps it shut with a loud *CLICK*

[03:46:29] [Dreagan] reapeatn after me again I am yours, Master

[03:46:35] • aziza whimpers softly and shivers

[03:46:45] • keiko smiles hearing the click upon her sister's neck, her hand going to her own bare collar and leans against her bro

[03:46:49] <aziza> I am yours, Master

[03:46:53] [Dreagan] Who were you?

[03:47:01] <aziza> aziza of Earth

[03:47:04] [Dreagan] What are you?

[03:47:12] <aziza> Your slave, Master

[03:47:15] • kailen puts an arm around his sister

[03:47:18] [Dreagan] What is your name?

[03:47:29] <aziza> whatever You wish to name me, Master

[03:47:47] [Dreagan] You are now {aethne}D

[03:48:10] »» nick change aziza (wakai.dore@90F7A439.8BC01166.96645374.IP) changes nick to "{aethne}D"

[03:48:19] • dahara claps

[03:48:22] [Dreagan] welcome home my pet

[03:48:28] <Levi_Eliphas> well done

[03:48:30] • {aethne}D clings to Him tightly

[03:48:38] [Dreagan] kisses her forehead

[03:48:39] • AndrasTolaria nods seeing the collar in place

[03:48:46] <@AndrasTolaria> Congrats

[03:48:48] [Dreagan] Blood you bear witness ?

[03:48:56] <Levi_Eliphas> AI

[03:49:16] • keiko smiles happily

[03:49:20] <@AndrasTolaria> It has been done let it be written

[03:49:24] [Dreagan] nods

[03:49:25] <Levi_Eliphas> it has been witnessed and so it shall be so from now on

[03:49:47] • dahara sighs in happiness for aethne

[03:50:00] • Levi_Eliphas tugs a bit on the leash

[03:50:01] • kailen smiles

[03:50:05] <Levi_Eliphas> your time is coming soon girl

[03:50:18] • dahara wiggles in His lap

[03:50:26] [Dreagan] smiles and waits for dahara to get collared ... Levi .. I want to be present for that please

[03:50:40] <Levi_Eliphas> so it shall be

[03:50:44] [Dreagan] thanks

****************************

[19:00:44] [Dreagan] settles in his chair and waits

[19:02:33] keiko fingers carress the dreamstone as she contemplates

[19:03:04] [Dreagan] We wanted to settle here today and hold a small memorial for Cloud^Dancing keiko's late Master, I would like everyone that knew him to say a few words about him in remembrance

[19:03:12] [Dreagan] keiko ... why dont you go first ...

[19:03:38] dahara smiles as keiko gathers thoughts

[19:04:04] <@keiko> well i guess i want to thank everyone that could make it to this small gathering

[19:04:07] zora{D`} looks to her sister

[19:04:25] kailen knees close next to his sister

[19:04:25] <@keiko> i know He'd be very happy to see this though He'd be cursing under His breath

[19:05:06] Wolve settles closer to keiko on and off line

[19:06:05] <@keiko> i am not really sure what to say, i talk to Him most nights when i feel really alone and i know that with the family that i have i'm not alone but sometimes it still feels that way

[19:06:53] Wolve sees she is having a bit of a rough time and take over for her for to begin

[19:07:28] [Dreagan] nods

[19:07:30] <@Wolve> I only knew Cloud a very short time, and in that short time I gain a good trusting Blood Brother

[19:07:56] <@Wolve> it was to go from just an online cut to a real life one as well

[19:08:28] <@Wolve> but in Myself I know that it is truly real even though it did not make it that far

[19:09:19] <@Wolve> He left Me to care along with Dreagan His girl, and in sitting here with her today shows I have uphead that promise even with some shit that just transpired

[19:09:45] <@Wolve> He knew I would do as he asked, and I always will

[19:10:46] <@Wolve> Blood ride safe in the sky, ride hard, ride free and Know you will be in My mind and heart till I join you on that eternal ride, side by side Blood........Forever!

[19:11:43] [Dreagan] anyone else ?

[19:11:44] Wolve gives keiko a hug

[19:11:54] zora{D`} feels warm from His sentiment.

[19:11:55] dahara steps up

[19:12:01] [Dreagan] nods to her

[19:12:07] <dahara> well

[19:12:20] keiko leans against Master Wolve quietly

[19:12:25] <dahara> keiko shared a closness that not many share and is greatful for that.

[19:12:43] dahara met Master Cloud Dancing in that time and boy the first time we met He scared the bejebbers outta me

[19:13:05] <dahara> He was exact and careing at the same time

[19:13:15] <dahara> After that there was this draw to know more of this Man

[19:13:46] <dahara> Sadly dahara didn't see him tons but when she did He made such a warm impression on her ... dahara sat a lil straighter when He was here

[19:14:13] dahara was so sad to hear of His crossing over, He had made someone i love so very happy and filled her needs beyond my wildest dreams

[19:14:36] <dahara> He will be rememberd most fondly and will hold a space in daharas heart

[19:14:39] <dahara> thank you

[19:14:49] [Dreagan] zora or Levi ?

[19:15:15] [Dreagan] kailen ?

[19:15:21] <Levi_Eliphas> I didn't know this person, but I surely see how much he was loved

[19:15:22] kailen nods

[19:15:33] [Dreagan] nods to Levi yes he was

[19:15:40] [Dreagan] and still is

[19:15:53] [Dreagan] nods to kailen go on

[19:15:54] kailen steps up

[19:16:02] <@kailen> thank You Master Dreagan

[19:16:57] <@kailen> i did not know Master Cloud^Dancing for very long, but they short time that i did get to know Him, i found Him to be such a warm and caring individual...

[19:18:08] <@kailen> He was always very kind and friendly to me whenever we would interact, and always made me feel welcome in His presence

[19:18:44] keiko smiles softly

[19:19:02] <@kailen> the news of His passing was a shock and i will deeply regret never getting to know Him more than i did...

[19:19:33] zora{D`} smiles to kailen

[19:20:25] <@kailen> but i feel that i have gotten to know Him a bit more through my sister, and for that i am grateful...

[19:20:57] kailen kneels in front of keiko and hugs her tightly

[19:21:07] <@kailen> i love you sis

[19:21:14] <@keiko> love you too bro

[19:21:17] keiko hugs back

[19:21:34] [Dreagan] zora ?

[19:21:38] kailen kisses her forehead and takes his place next to her

[19:21:39] <zora{D`}> thank You Master

[19:22:52] <zora{D`}> keiko, thi sgirl only kewn Master Cloud^Dancing after the two of You found each other - having the pleasure of His company in the Springs - she must say that through His eyes, she more clearly saw you, as the beautiful slave that He saw.

[19:23:24] kailen smiles to zora

[19:23:41] dahara nods in agreement

[19:23:42] keiko giggles a little thinking of Him in the Springs teasing the Panthers

[19:24:00] <zora{D`}> His caring apparent, His concern and Love in totality a beautiful thing - in response the two of You a joined circle ever glowing in each other's presence.

[19:24:56] <zora{D`}> Something like that, never lost ~ although at times as you've said you feel alone, He is with you.

[19:25:34] <zora{D`}> Seeing such a bond *smiles*

[19:25:53] <zora{D`}> shows the rest of the world there is hope, and hope lives eternal in your eyes sis...

[19:26:00] <zora{D`}> i love you.

[19:26:07] <zora{D`}> *hugs her softly*

[19:26:29] keiko hugs her sis back tightly

[19:26:41] <@keiko> love you too sis

[19:27:02] zora{D`} brushes a strand of hair from her eyes with a warm smile.

[19:27:27] [Dreagan] dahara you had wanted to add something ?

[19:27:33] <dahara> yes Master thankyou

[19:27:35] <dahara> keiko

[19:27:41] <dahara> a thought just came to me

[19:27:45] <@keiko> yes sis?

[19:27:52] <dahara> we have our "sunny" skys

[19:28:07] <dahara> and now We truly have Clouds Dancing

[19:28:12] keiko smiles a little at her sis, knowing the meaning

[19:28:28] dahara smiles kissing her forehead with love

[19:28:37] <dahara> smiles and steps back

[19:28:53] [Dreagan] anyone else want to say anything more before i say my part ?

[19:29:02] <Levi_Eliphas> I will

[19:29:05] [Dreagan] nods

[19:29:16] <Levi_Eliphas> Its good to hear you remeber your friends

[19:30:40] <Levi_Eliphas> I hope that stories and songs will be sung for each of us when we to make that last journies, but tell then... we will remeber

[19:31:06] Levi_Eliphas smiles

[19:31:09] <zora{D`}> :)

[19:31:19] <Levi_Eliphas> heroes songs and stories fill our lives

[19:31:28] <Levi_Eliphas> guide and show us the way

[19:31:49] <Levi_Eliphas> so its good to hear you remeber and honer your loved friend

[19:32:12] keiko smiles at Master Levi

[19:33:51] Levi_Eliphas grins, I hope that came out right

[19:34:58] dahara smiles at Masters warm words

[19:35:16] [Dreagan] anyone else ?

[19:35:59] keiko looks quietly over at Master Dreagan

[19:36:15] [Dreagan] mine is going to be a bit long so bear with me please

[19:37:07] zora{D`} shifts her gaze towards Master Dreagan.

[19:38:30] [Dreagan] I have known C^D the longest out of all of us ... even before he and keiko were a couple and
he was then Blooded to me he has been there for me in times of need and he has been there for my ex girl in her times of need as well has keiko ... but C^D always had a very special way of bringing us all back onto earth where we belong. He was a great Blood Brother and Friend and a wonderful Master to keiko

[19:39:02] [Dreagan] many long nights were spend talking between him and I about keikos safety and after care in case something should happen to him

[19:39:05] keiko lowers her head quietly

[19:39:14] [Dreagan] spent

[19:39:55] [Dreagan] I will never forget the lives he has touched and what he has done with those touches to each and every person he has touched

[19:41:30] [Dreagan] He will always be remembered as one of the most caring and giving person I have met in my entire life. He gave all he had even if he didn't have it to give. Mostly advice though and it was taken and put to good use

[19:42:31] [Dreagan] Joe, Blood, Brother ... until the day that I see you again ... I will stand by my word as you always knew I would ... keiko will be taken care of and not need a thing as long as I breathe and I know the same goes for Wolve and Andras ..

[19:43:03] [Dreagan] I miss you Blood but I will see you again and then we will have some shine Brother ... and reflect

[19:44:06] [Dreagan] until then ... know that everything in my power will be done to make sure amber is taken care of in every need she has

[19:44:21] [Dreagan] Rest in peace Blood

[19:44:49] Wolve smiles to His Blood

[19:45:31] kailen smiles to Master Dreagan and squeezes his sister's hand

[19:45:47] <@Wolve> I sit with her Blood right now and yes, I will do everything in My power to make sure she is ok in her real life as well as her online, so that You all can count on

[19:46:08] keiko smiles a little at her bro

[19:47:05] <@Wolve> and will add one thing

[19:47:09] dahara smiles

[19:47:31] <@Wolve> Thank You Joe for bringing Me closer to a Man I call a true Friend

[19:47:53] Wolve goes and gives Dreagan a big Hug and then slips over and hugs kailen as well

[19:48:08] Dreagan hugs back

[19:48:12] kailen smiles and hugs Him tight

[19:48:16] <@Wolve> and you just fine in My books too ya little shit

[19:48:25] kailen chuckles

[19:48:27] <@Wolve> I love you both

[19:48:46] <@Wolve> ever repeat that and Ill haver both your nuts in a sack

[19:48:57] zora{D`} dimples softly with sparkling eyes at the sight before her - a joining of family - ones that she hopes to get to know and become more a part of - thank you for allowing me to be here with you all.

**************************

[20:02:14] keiko slips from between Master Wolve and kailen and pads softly towards Master Dreagan, she kneels down before Him, resting on her crossed heels, as she lowers her head, she raises her arms up and crosses them at the wrists

[20:02:37] kailen watches his sis

[20:02:56] dahara sighs softly watching

[20:03:04] zora{D`} looks at keiko's picture of elegance and grace as her own blush fades.

[20:04:17] dahara snuggles in next to kailen

[20:04:47] kailen smiles to dahara and snuggles as they watch

[20:05:11] keiko stays quiet before Master Dreagan as she waits, her breath short as her heart beats faster

[20:07:40] [Dreagan] you are sure about this keiko ?

[20:07:51] <@keiko> yes Master

[20:08:04] [Dreagan] nods

[20:08:32] [Dreagan] wipes his tears away and finds the box he placed somewhere in here

[20:08:54] <@Wolve> He it is Blood

[20:08:58] Wolve hands it too Him

[20:09:07] <@Wolve> I tripped over it on My way in

[20:09:10] Wolve grumbles

[20:09:56] [Dreagan] heh ... you always trip over stuff

[20:10:00] [Dreagan] thanks Blood

[20:10:04] [Dreagan] Repeat after me "I, once keiko owned by late Master Cloud^Dancing

[20:10:29] <@keiko> I, once keiko owned by late Master Cloud^Dancing

[20:10:58] zora{D`} brings her own delicate long nailed fingertips to the new collar about her slender throat as she watches and listens....

[20:11:19] [Dreagan] herewith submit myself, completely and totally, in all things

[20:11:42] <@keiko> herewith submit myself, completely and totally, in all things

[20:11:52] [Dreagan] to him who is known as Dreagan of Thentis, Blood Brother to Cloud^Dancing

[20:12:13] <@keiko> to Him whos is known as Dreagan of Thentis, Blood Brother to Cloud^Dancing

[20:12:34] [Dreagan] his girl, his slave, an article of his property, his to do with as he pleases

[20:12:57] <@keiko> His girl, His slave, an article of His property, His to do with as He pleases

[20:13:23] Dreagan removes the turian collar from the box and reads the enscription ... Dreagan's

[20:13:37] Dreagan holds it opened in front of her

[20:13:58] keiko kisses it softly, then leans her slender neck into it

[20:14:13] Dreagan closes it with a loud *Click*

[20:14:17] [Dreagan] I am yours, Master

[20:14:28] <@keiko> I am Yours, Master

[20:14:29] [Dreagan] Who were you?

[20:14:33] dahara shivers hearing the click

[20:15:06] <@keiko> i was nobody Master

[20:15:16] [Dreagan] looks at her

[20:15:32] <@keiko> i was keiko Master

[20:15:37] [Dreagan] What are you?

[20:15:41] <@keiko> a slave Master

[20:15:46] [Dreagan] What is your name?

[20:15:59] <@keiko> what You choose to name me Master

[20:16:13] [Dreagan] You are now {keiko}D

[20:16:25] »» nick change keiko (slave@GlobalBondage-10F96A87.bchsia.telus.net) changes nick to "{keiko}D"

[20:16:34] dahara claps softly

[20:16:47] kailen smiles

[20:16:50] [Dreagan] welcome home my pet

[20:16:52] {keiko}D lifts her head to look at her Master

[20:16:57] <@{keiko}D> thank You my Master

[20:17:01] zora{D`} beams

[20:17:10] Dreagan pulls her into his lap and hugs her tightly

[20:17:24] <dahara> congrulations Master Dreagan what a wonderful girl You have

[20:17:29] {keiko}D snuggles into His lap

[20:17:32] [Dreagan] thanks dahara

[20:17:34] dahara winks to keiko ... congrats sister o mine

[20:17:42] <@{keiko}D> thank you

[20:17:58] Wolve dances not having to Protect her anymore

[20:18:02] Wolve chuckles

[20:18:03] <@kailen> congratulations to You Master Dreagan, and to you my sweet sister

[20:18:05] <@Wolve> YA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[20:18:06] <zora{D`}> Best wishes to you both

[20:18:07] <dahara> laughs

[20:18:09] <@Wolve> woot woot

[20:18:11] [Dreagan] oh no Blood your not off the hook

[20:18:16] dahara now sadly must beg to take leave

[20:18:18] zora{D`} watches Him dance

[20:18:20] Wolve grumbles

[20:18:20] [Dreagan] thanks kailen

[20:18:22] dahara has some real life thats pressing hard

[20:18:24] <@Wolve> Bastard!

[20:18:28] [Dreagan] thanks zora

[20:18:30] <@kailen> goodbye dahara

[20:18:37] [Dreagan] scoot dahara

[20:18:38] <zora{D`}> enjoy the day dahara

[20:18:42] {keiko}D hand goes to her neck running a finger gently over it

[20:18:42] <dahara> thank You Master

[20:18:46] <dahara> will see You very soon

[20:18:50] <dahara> awwww sweet keiko

[20:18:51] <@Wolve> bye wenchling

[20:18:52] [Dreagan] nods

[20:18:53] <dahara> smiles so happy

[20:18:57] <@{keiko}D> bye sis

[20:18:59] <@{keiko}D> have a great day

[20:19:03] [Dreagan] Blood ?

[20:19:03] <dahara> bye Master Wolve as always its good to see You

[20:19:11] <@Wolve> yeah

[20:19:14] »» nick change dahara (compassion@2437A98F.5D36B0BA.68120AD.IP) changes nick to "dahara`away"

[20:19:15] zora{D`} is being called away as well... makes a face

[20:19:16] [Dreagan] you are still going to protect her no ?

[20:19:26] <@Wolve> mmmmm

[20:19:28] [Dreagan] be well zora ... see you again soon

[20:19:29] <@kailen> good bye zora

[20:19:30] zora{D`} wishes You well Master Dreagan

[20:19:31] <@Wolve> uuuuuummmmmmmmmmm

[20:19:38] <@Wolve>
uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[20:19:40] [Dreagan] you have no fucking choice asswhipe

[20:19:47] kailen chuckles

[20:19:47] [Dreagan] your blood to me that means yes

[20:19:51] [Dreagan] no questions asked

[20:19:54] Wolve cries

[20:19:55] <zora{D`}> Wonderful to meet You Master Wolve, this girl knows that more blushes are certainly forthcoming... lol

[20:20:10] <@Wolve> bye little beast

[20:20:18] zora{D`} huggles keiko with a kiss to her cheek

[20:20:49] {keiko}D hugs back tightly

[20:20:56] zora{D`} grins nd on her way past, just as kailen thinks she is ignoreing him - places a *tweak* to his bottom *giggles*

[20:21:06] {keiko}D sticks her tongue out at Master Wolve, then buries her face agaisnt Master Dreagan to hide

[20:21:07] Ardinella growls playfully and bats at {keiko}D's tongue.

[20:21:18] <zora{D`}> *dashes out giggling*

[20:21:35] «« part zora{D`} [feisty@GlobalBondage-B6BB47BC.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net]

[20:21:47] [Dreagan] no i think you both have some shopping to tend to

[20:21:55] [Dreagan] and i need to lay down for a while ...

[20:22:07] [Dreagan] havent slept since the night before last

[20:23:51] <@{keiko}D> night my Master

[20:23:55] <@kailen> please go get some rest then Master

[20:23:57] [Dreagan] night my pet

[20:24:00] [Dreagan] i will kailen

[20:24:08] [Dreagan] had to be up for this all though

[20:24:16] [Dreagan] i really needed to get that all off of my chest

[20:24:20] [Dreagan] still crying too

[20:24:26] <@{keiko}D> kailen Master Wolve is taking me shopping see you later :)

[20:24:32] <@kailen> ok sis

[20:25:18] <@kailen> have fun

[20:25:25] <@{keiko}D> ok we are gone